A Different Remedy

Mercy Enough to Finish

2012-02-02T08:00:00.000-08:00

I am amazed at how quickly I can forget my Father's truths. This morning, I laid in our bed for a good 30 minutes before mustering the strength to let my feet hit the floor and my brain awaken. I tried meditating on promises such as Romans 5:5 which says that hope does not disappoint me because He has poured out His love into my heart by the Holy Spirit which He has given me. I find myself having to stand every day in His strength & courage, allowing Him to pour His life back into me over and over again. To be more like Christ and less like me, it isnt an option. Its a must. When standing in my own strength I eventually give way and this is a lesson that I have to relearn it seems almost daily.

A wise friend reminded me that unshakable faith is almost easier to have in the face of trouble. Depseration seems to take over and you know that you have no other choice to survive. She reminded me that the closeness I was feeling toward Him would eventually fade, because that is who we are and that is what the enemy desires. I must say that she was right. I am slowly finding that as the pieces of our life start to mend back together, I have to fight harder and harder for that closeness that seemed to come so easily just 2 months ago. The problem is that I am me. Thankfully, He is continually faithful, even when I am not.

I experienced unshakable faith in the face of adversity yesterday and yet it seems that I struggle to just find enough for today. Even still, He supplies me with mercy enough to finish.

His mercy is enough. His faith is enough. His love is enough. His strength is enough. His grace is enough. His power is enough. God is God enough!

So, tomorrow and the days following will provide the mercy I need to finish and prayerfully, I will find the unshakable faith needed to honor His name & walk in truth and obedience.

Provision vs. Perspective

2012-01-24T11:41:00.000-08:00

Once a dear friend of ours who is a pastor, preached a message in which he made the statement, "Sometimes we're looking for provision, when what we truly need is perspective." That has stayed with me and more recently, the Lord has used it to speak truth to my still aching heart.

A young woman that I spoke with recently asked me why the Lord won't prevent human pain when He is fully able to. Her question is so normal and natural; one that I myself have asked a time or two as of late. We spoke about the Lord's initial design and that because of the Fall, we are not exempt from trouble or pain and in fact, must expect it. She and I cried together as she has her own set of anxieties, fears, and painful circumstances to face and I was reminded, as I held her tight, that what we so often need is perspective in our pain.

I love the apostle Paul. His words "we are hard pressed on every side" (2 Cor. 4:8)seem to always serve as a reality call that we do not really know pain. Not like our Savior knows pain.

So, instead of asking for provision- perhaps we should be more focused on perspective. "The question of 'Why' has no satisfactory answer. The question of 'What Now?' can turn a person from greif to action, from loss to healing, from sorrow to joy, and from feelings of utter devestation to feelings of purpose." -Dr. John MacArthur

Jeremy and I are confident of the purposes and plans in the death of our daughter Ellanie and believe that He wanted to shift our perspective through her life in alot of different ways. He desired that we learn to rely on Him with increasing dependence and humility and what better way to do that than through sacrifice. We are learning so much about where we are in our faith and where we need to grow. He already knows our hearts but He also desires that we know our own! We have trusted and are trusting in His grace in ways we never have.

He has also shifted our depenedence on worldly things. Most man-made things seem very inadequate and we are now more aware of those things that are long-lasting and of eternal value. "Everything that is truly important has its beginning and end in Christ alone." -Celebration of Discipline, Richard Foster. In speaking with a dear friend of mine last night who is learning some valuable lessons of her own, I confessed that there are days I honestly don't have the drive to get out of the bed and face "the world." So my desire for Him just becomes greater. In those moments, I can rest in how He longs to use our life in the "here and now" for His glory.

I asked for perspective today as I read about what should be my 28th week of pregnancy & first day of my 3rd trimester. Had Ellanie had normal brain development, she would've been able to open and close her eyes now (with batting eye lashes!) and she'd be a little more than 2 pounds. That sounds so tiny and it's hard to believe that we got to hold her at only 1 pound. It may sound morbid and unhealthy to some, but I still continue to receive my BabyCenter emails that update me on where I would normally stand in my pregnancy. Only because it serves as a reminder that Ella got to skip all of the usual stages of development and go straight to wholeness, completeness and freedom with her King!

That is perspective. And it can only come from a great and loving God.

Truly, truly, I say to you, he who believes in Me, the works that I do, he will do also; and greater works than these he will do; because I go to the Father. Whatever you ask for in My name, I will do it. And if you love Me, you will keep My commandments. -John 14:12-14

Finding a New Normal...

2012-01-17T07:05:00.000-08:00

I'm not even sure how you would technically define normal, but whatever that is, by the world's definition, we have not known it for quite some time. Webster defines it as: according with, constituting, or not deviating from a norm, rule, or principle ; occurring naturally .

I still feel as if normal would be me entering my 27th week of pregnancy today & going to my doctor for another routine check up, as oppossed to bereavement counseling and preconception counseling. As we continue to place a steadfast hope in Him and His unchanging Word, I'm learning that He is the only thing that is unfailing.

Finding some kind of "normalcy" again in our lives has been good for us. We've had several "projects" as of late to focus on and getting acclimated in my new role as a Children's Pastor at our church has definitely provided a healthy focus on the lives and ministry of children and families in our church. However; the longings that sometimes make my heart sick have not disappeared and learning to live with them is something the Lord is teaching us to do by His strength and grace daily.

He is very aware of any hopes that have been deferred in our life and according to His Word, He will fulfill our longings (Prov. 13:12).

A significant stepping stone to our journey of healing is our precious little girl, Emmalyn, who is an amazing gift, as is every child. She turns two years old today and while I'm a bit mournful over her growing up & needing us less & less, but I'm overyjoyed by the day that He has blessed & entrusted us to care for her and teach her in the ways of Christ! On days when I feel like giving up, surrenduring to defeat and submitting to my flesh, I am reminded of the honor we have to model a Christ-like life for Emmalyn.

He is our burden-bearer and in Him we can conquer all. We can face a new kind of normal. I can rejoice in the relief of being fully understood by Him and rest in knowing that while others may think I have it all together and am "over" everything, He gets my struggles, my feelings of inadequacy, and longs to use them for His Kingdom. When no one else seems to understand, He knows completely and loves me perfectly.

I hope I will allow that love to flow freely into the lives of others, especially our sweet Emmalyn. To see her learn to love Him with abandon is a hope I'm continually clinging to. Knowing that we already have a daughter before the throne of God that has full knowledge of what it means to love Him perfectly is another hope fulfilled... Just not in the way I ever expected.

Now may the God of hope fill you with joy and peace in believing, that you may abound in hope by the power of the holy spirit. -Romans 15:13

Happy 2nd birthday to our Emme!

Trust and obey, for there's no other way...

2012-01-05T20:39:00.000-08:00

Well-developed trust will bring so many blessings, not the least of which is His everlasting peace. We have learned this lesson in a new, profound way over the past month. Verses such as Isaiah 26:3 have surfaced in a different light. You will keep him in perfect peace, whose mind is stayed on You, Because he trusts in You. Trust in the Lord forever, for in Yahweh, the Lord, is everlasting strength. Relying on Him in increasing dependence & humility and trusting for His grace in ways we have never trusted has definitely drawn meaning and purpose from Ellanie's story. Its amazing how the Lord can use someone so small to impact us in such an enormous way.

In every step that we take daily, He has awakened our awareness of Him and of eternity. He has taught us that His presence alone is all the fulfillment we could possibly need in our pain & that true satisfaction is being fully content with much, or with little. When we think about all that God has accomplished in just 1 month, there are honestly no words to express the joy & thankfulness in our hearts. Just one month ago we never imagined we wouldn't be able to bring home our sweet baby Ella, much less that we would face financial devastation in the midst of such a journey.

January 4th marked 1 month since we embraced & said goodbye to sweet Ellanie; A day that I know we will always remember and celebrate from here on out. In that short of time He has MORE than released us from financial burden & anxiety. Not only did we receive an overwhelming response through Ellanie Beth's memorial fund, but He has surrounded us with so much love, support and grace that our hearts will never be the same. I want this to be known because I want the Lord to receive the honor & praise that He deserves. Give unto the Lord the glory due to His name; Worship the Lord in the beauty of His holiness. Ps. 29:2

In preparing to speak at Pleasant Ridge Baptist's Sunday school assembly this week, I have been reviewing some of the scriptures that the Lord has given me to memorize and meditate on during our journey. I want to share some of them with you because I realize that we all have difficult moments of tragedy in our faith journey- some harder than others, yet all of them different, owning their unique set of circumstances. Yet, in each one He is Lord, He is good, He is able, and He is sovereign. He is our strength and shield and when we trust in Him, we are helped.

He is my life and I depend on Him in every way. In this truth, I can persevere in greater power, knowing there's a new hope for the glory that is ahead! I pray these scriptures will comfort you as much as they have me...

Ps. 27:4
One thing I have desired of the Lord, that I will seek: That I may dwell in the house of the Lord all the days of my life, to behold the Lord, and to inquire in His temple. For in the time of trouble He shall hide me in His pavilion; In the secret place of His tabernacle He shall hide me; He shall set me high on a rock.

Ps. 27:13-14
I would have lost heart, unless I had believed that I would see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living. Wait on the Lord; Be of good courage, and He shall strengthen your heart; Wait on the Lord.

Ps. 28:7
The Lord is my strength and my shield; My heart trusted in Him, and I am helped; Therefore my heart greatly rejoices, and with my song I will praise Him forevermore.

Ps. 126:5-6
Those who sow in tears shall reap in joy. He who continually goes forth weeping, bearing seeds for sowing, shall doubtless come again with rejoicing, bringing sheaves with him.

1 Tim. 1:2
For this reason I also suffer these things: nevertheless I am not ashamed, for I know whom I have believed and am persuaded that He is able to keep what I have committed to Him until that day.

1 Peter 4:19
Therefore let those who suffer according to the will of God commit their souls to Him in doing good, as to a faithful Creator.

1 Peter 1:6-9
In this you greatly rejoice, though now for a little while, if need be, you have been greived by various trials, that the genuineness of your faith, being much more precious than gold that perishes, though it is tested by fire, may be found to praise, honor, and glory at the revelation of Jesus Christ, whom having not seen you love. Though you do not see Him, yet believing, you rejoice with joy inexpressible and full of glory, receiving the end of your faith- the salvation of your souls.

2 Cor. 5:6-9
So we are always confident, knowing that while we are at home in the body we are absent from the Lord. For we walk by faith, not by sight. We are confident, yes, well pleased rather to be absent from the body and to be present with the Lord. Therefore we make it our aim, whether present or absent, to be well pleasing to Him.

Romans 8:18
For I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worthy to be compared with the glory which shall be revealed in us.

A letter to my angel...

2011-12-28T22:10:00.000-08:00

One month ago today, we received the news that would forever change us. One month ago today we learned that our baby daughter would not stay here with our family, but return to the One who adores her more than we can fathom. I have been writing Ellanie letters so that Emmalyn can read them one day, and I just wanted to share the one I wrote early this morning because there are parts of our journey untold and while this day was such a difficult day, it was also a special day. I am so grateful that He chose me to carry Ellanie. Daily, I am awed that a person we conceived is before the throne of God. Astounding. I will never be the same...

My Dearest Ellanie Beth,

As I write your name, I'm reminded of the day Mommy knew we'd call you "Ellanie." I was sitting with your Gigi watching your big sister Emmalyn play, when we started discussing baby names. You see, the next day we were to find out whether you were going to be a boy or girl and we were so excited. Mommy was a little nervous about the appointment because I was meeting with a brand new doctor in the middle of my pregnancy with you. Nonetheless, I couldn't stop thinking about names. I wanted to make sure I walked out of that doctor's office giving you a name. I had always had my heart set on "Harrison" for a boy, but was really struggling to find the right girl name. Mainly because I wanted to give you the same initials as your big sis- EBR. I had thought of "Ellanie" several times and really wanted to call you "Ella."

In mine and your Gigi's discussion, without her even knowing, your Gigi said, "You know an 'E' name that I really love? Ellanie." I was shocked because I hadn't expressed this to anyone at that point except your daddy. I told her, "I'm really drawn to 'Beth' for a middle name. What do you think?" Your Gigi, who you would have loved and adored, just as our Emmalyn does, looked as if she would cry. She said, "Maegan, I was just going to suggest that! I love it." Right then, I knew that's what we'd call you and that God surely had to have laid both those names on mine and your Gigi's heart for a reason.

Exactly one month ago today your mommy and daddy learned that you were going to be extra special. Ellanie, I cannot describe to you how the love God had already placed in my heart for you instantaneously and immensely grew. God gave me a strange sense of peace and strength that day. Although some say most of it was probably shock over our news, I am confident that it was the Lord preparing us for what we'd face. In the days to follow Mommy just tried to cherish your sweet presence in my belly. I relished every kick (you were squirmy just like your big sister!) and I treasured every quiet moment, just you and I. Mommy loves old hymns and because I knew I'd never get the opportunity to teach you about Jesus, I simply wanted you to hear of His great love through song before you met Him. It astounds me that right now, you have more knowledge of that unfathomable love than we do and that you're singing your own songs of praise in the fullness of His glory.

Your daddy was very strong too, trying to be a help to mommy and Emme, but I could see that his heart was breaking for you. You would have loved your daddy. I am convinced that because your sister is SO girlie, you would have been the tom-boy your daddy always wanted. Perhaps a little rougher around the edges, but still quite the "little lady" your sister is turning out to be. I know that you and Emme would have been best friends, as I am with your aunt Lu and aunt Nat. Ellanie, Emmalyn knows you by name and always will. We will never forget you as you are forever apart of us. I assure you that your friendship with your sister will be the most perfect and complete relationship sisters can experience one day when she meets you in Heaven.

Mommy is so thankful for the time we were allowed with you while God had you here, but my heart cannot help but rejoice with gladness that you are complete, whole, and perfect with your King! Mommy & Daddy would've always tried to protect you from evil, pain, danger, sorrow, and all of the terrible things that we live with here. But I admit that I am overwhelmingly grateful that you, angel will never weep because there is nothing to make you sad there. You will always know a life of unimaginable blessing and joy- for all eternity. Mommy & Daddy are also thankful, because of your condition, that you now live in perfect knowledge. Here, you lacked brain development, and there...you are a million times smarter than mommy & daddy put together! You will never know an unanswered question or confusing thought. You're living completely free of confusion and ignorance. We think on these things alot when we start to feel sad about you not being here with us. We know and understand that you are fuller and happier there (Ps. 16:11).

That doesn't mean I don't wonder daily what life with you in our lives would be like. I wonder if you would have been as wonderful a baby as your sister was. I'm certain of it :) I knew the moment that I saw your sweet, perfect face and your tiny, flawless hands that you would have brought endless joy to us. I am so thankful that we got the chance to hold you as long as we wanted in the hospital. Those are memories that mommy will hold onto forever. Your aunt Lindsey said something to me in the beginning that I think back on often. She said that you were incredibly special for God to want you with Him so soon and she is so right. Ellanie, you have touched so many hearts through your life. Mommy & Daddy have seen the Lord bring people back to Himself through you, angel. That makes us the proudest parents in the entire world! No A-B honor roll, trophy, ribbon, or award could ever compare to that. So, when we start reflecting on all the things we will miss, we must remember all that His kingdom is gaining through our precious baby girl!

So, until we see each other again Ella, know that Mommy loves you and always will, my whole life. Sing pretty for Jesus... He deserves our highest praise!

~Mommy

Self-forgetfulness

2011-12-27T11:10:00.000-08:00

Naturally, as we begin to adjust to some of the changes in our life, most routine normal things seem to be a bigger deal. Sometimes even the most mundane thing, like going to the grocery store, feels... well, silly or sometimes just pointless. Somedays, I feel like my everyday functioning is impaired, others I don't. While I'm told over and over that this is normal, I still push myself to do things that require some concentration... preferably not on myself.

So, today I tackled "thank you" notes. It was a good choice because it has helped remind me just how loved our Ellanie Beth was and how supported, loved, and prayed for our family is. As I try to put careful thought into each one, the Lord had me to reflect on several different passages of scripture that remind me of WHOSE we are. In thinking about the whirlwind we have faced over the last several weeks, my flesh cannot help but worry about all of the decisions and responsibilities that are before us. Life in general cannot stop and the challenges that we have must be faced. Part of me fears some of this, just because I know from experience that the busier we become the harder it is to find time apart with the Father. Taking time to be completely still in His presence is something that I have not had the luxury of "putting off until tomorrow" lately. Because I know that my healing and my ability to press forward utterly and fully depends on it. In Isaiah 64:4, I was reminded that the Lord is good to those who wait on Him. He will do more than we can ever conceive if we will wait silently on Him. The longer & more expectantly we wait in His presence, the more He longs to bless us.

Worrying about whether or not we can cope with the pressures of what we face definitely doesn't accomplish anything. As we continually strive to rest in the sufficiency of of WHO HE IS, i am continually reminded of WHOSE I AM. I am royalty to Him (1 Peter 2:9). I am clothed in a robe of righteousness owned by the creator of the universe. By the one who completes and who made whole our precious baby daughter and who will love her more than anyone on earth could. I have been awakened to how much better it is to walk close to Him, depending on the strength and grace He gives for every need! The more I depend on His resources and help, the more joy I seem to find in a self-forgetful kind of lifestyle. Looking to Him continuously for what we need, greater reflects His glory.

Romans 8:15-16
For you did not receive the spirit of bondage again to fear, but you received the Spirit of adoption by whom we cry out, "Abba, Father." The Spirit Himself bears witness with our spirit that we are children of God, and if children, then heirs- heirs of God and joint heirs with Christ, if indeed we suffer with Him, that we may also be glorified together.

A friend of mine had a sweet reminder to offer after we learned of what would befall us through baby Ella's condition (almost 4 weeks ago today). She said that when something happens that she and her husband do not understand and cannot even begin to try, or when they simply do not know how to pray, they just cry, "Abba, I am yours." Because, in that name, they are reminded of WHOSE they are, how able He is, and how much they need Him. Self-forgetfulness...

So, as I write out thank you's to each of you that have prayed daily, extended a note of sympathy, a phone call of encouragement, a kind deed, or a contribution to Ellanie's memorial fund, I am thankful for your self-forgetfulness. And we are opening our hearts in hopeful anticipation, holding tight to Abba...praising Him for meeting every need.

Ellanie Beth Roper Memorial Fund link

Finding Christmas Blessings

2011-12-22T12:41:00.000-08:00

I love this time of the year. I do not love what commercialism has made it, but what it was intended to be. Because I have been made to slow down physically, I can see so much more of His goodness and grace working in the midst of what the world has tried to defame about Christmas; As opposed to the usual which consists of being weighed down by the clutter of this time of year, resulting in missing His presence.

Just last week I had a bit of a melt down in my mother's arms. As I was feeling guilty about having only bought 2 Christmas presents with just 1 week to go before Christmas, she reminded me to reflect on the blessings of this time of year and that He has appointed our healing to take place now, regardless of the hustle & bustle that surrounds us. She was right. I do believe that His timing is perfect & that He chose Ellanie's birth and death to take place just when it did for a very specific purpose. So, I have done what I am able, and have tried not to let the enemy guilt me into feeling like I should be over what has happened and jump right into all the chaos around me. We have made a big deal of the simple, with more focus on the eternal and honestly... it is a welcome change that I hope will linger. He has been faithful to fill us with joy in these simple things. He continually reminds me through Psalm 126:3,5-6 that He will also faithfully bring forth a harvest from our lives, from the pain.

Yesterday, He had me reflecting all day on 1 Peter 5:10, You, the God of all grace who called me to Your eternal glory in Christ, after I have suffered a little while, will Yourself restore me and make me strong, firm, and steadfast. As I feel His restoration taking place day by day, I am confident in this promise and I am reminded how important it His to let Him have time to work in me and not rush the healing...

I had a great conversation with our bereavement counselor at the UAB Amelia Center. She was such a wise encouragement in reminding me that we are mourning a loss, the death of a child, and that there is no timeline as to when that should be over. As the Lord gave me the opportunity to share our story, I learned that she too is a follower of Christ and loves the Lord. She truly has a special job in counseling and mentoring these families that suffer from neonatal loss & I was SO overjoyed to know that she is a believer and has faith in His ability to work through her. Upon telling her our story, the Lord reminded me of how AMAZINGLY blessed we've been to be surrounded by so much love, prayer and support from our families, friends, and church family. She in turn reminded me that she sees so many families who are not supported and who allow their loss to stir a bitterness and hate inside of them that can only be removed by clinging to a faithful, merciful God.

We will continue to stay in touch with her through our healing process and I am listening very intentionally to a stirring in my heart to volunteer at the Amelia Center and perhaps develop a relationship with some of these women who are struggling in how to handle their loss. He made it abundantly clear through 1 Peter 5:10 that He is working to display His power & His glory through our circumstance, when the Amelia Center asked if I would consider being their guest speaker for the 2012 Birmingham's Walk to Remember Infant Garden ceremony. Each year, they honor the neonatal losses that families in the Birmingham area have had by hosting a 5K walk and then candle light ceremony for families and friends of those who have lost infants. It's such a special way to honor these sweet lives who are now in the arms of Jesus & also a way for families to continue to receive closure in their healing. I am beyond humbled and honored that they'd ask me to speak, and even more so reminded that none of this is about us. He has a very specific purpose and that is to honor and glorify His name.

Do not fear your weakness, for it is the stage on which My Power and Glory perform most brilliantly. As you persevere along the path that I have prepared for you, depending on my strength to sustain you, expect to see miracles- and you will. Miracles are not always visible to the naked eye, but those who live by faith will see them clearly. Living by faith, rather than sight, enables you to see My Glory. - Sarah Young, Jesus Calling

As I reflect on Christmas blessings in the midst of healing, I'm less concerned with the hustle & bustle of Christmas and more intent on finding joy in Him and the simple, yet most important blessings surrounding us: our health, our families, our loved ones, our salvation in Him (Ps. 51:12) and the freedom to worship Him daily. So, from our heart to yours... may you focus your eyes on the cross this season and may Christmas present itself in a different light to you this year as well. Thank you so much for continued prayers for healing & restoration. He has been ABUNDANTLY faithful to hear them...

If you'd still like to contribute to the Ellanie Beth Memorial Fund, you may do so HERE.

Future Glory

2011-12-17T12:34:00.000-08:00

I consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us. The creation waits in eager expectation for the sons of God to be revealed. For the creation was subjected to pain & frustration, not by its own choice, but by the will of the one who subjected it, in hope that the creation itself will be liberated from its bondage to decay and brought into the glorious freedom of the children of God. We know that the whole creation has been groaning as in the pains of childbirth right up to the present time. Not only so, but we ourselves, who have the fruit of the Spirit, groan inwardly as we wait eagerly for our adoption as sons, the redemption of our bodies. For in this hope we are saved. But hope that is seen is no hope at all. Who hopes for what he already has? But if we hope for what we do not yet have, we wait for it patiently. - Romans 8:18-25

Paul's words have brought so much clarity and comfort over the past few weeks. In reflecting on where he comes from and all that the Lord carried him through, I am certain that if anyone knew what real hope was, it was Paul. He knew what it meant to long for Heaven. Along with Job, King Soloman and so many others throughout scripture. We are learning what this daily yearning looks like and that its an extension of our yearning for Him. The hope of heaven, and future glory brings so much comfort and joy that I'm ashamed to say that I've never yearned for it like this before. It is a deep longing that makes even a "good and full life" seem meaningless, apart from Him. When speaking to a dear friend last week about the indescribable feeling of being protected beneath the wing of God she said something that reminded me how much I wish we lived without sin. She said, "This feeling will go away, so cherish it. Because we are naturally 'bent' toward rebellion against God, this feeling will not always be there. The waging war against spirit and flesh goes on until we are with Him eternally."

In thinking about all of these things, I am so thankful that Ellanie never has to know what that daily battle looks like...the waging war of sin. She resides perfectly, without sin, nestled in our Savior's arms and that makes me so happy. I reflected this week on the words of Job. His pain and suffering was SO deep that he actually prayed and wished he'd never been born. He said, "Why did I not die at birth? Why did I not perish when I came from the womb?" (Job 3:11). He went on to say: "Why was I not hidden like a stillborn child, like infants who never saw the light? There the wicked cease from troubling, and there the weary are at rest." (Job 3:16-17). Job was completely convinced that if he'd had died at birth, he would have known a better life than anything this life here on earth had to offer him.

How that makes me rejoice for my Ellanie Beth!!

The hope of heaven keeps us alive and pressing forward during darkness and adversity. It is what allows us to experience even the tiniest bit of joy here on earth, because we know this isn't as good as it gets and that the best is yet to come... Most of all, this hope of heaven increases our awareness of Him and turns our hearts toward things eternal. Like Paul, we wait eagerly for the redemption of our bodies, and to raise our Ellanie Beth in the new Heaven & earth. Thank you Jesus, for such a hope as this!

It is Perfect...

2011-12-12T13:53:00.000-08:00

One week ago today we were coming home from the hospital, as our world began to slowly shift from unreal to slightly real. Yesterday was hard for us. I say "us" because Jeremy and I have been incredibly blessed to have so many people endure this journey beside us. My parents, for one. Not only did they take us into their home, but they took in all of the pain (both physical and emotional)that has come with this experience as well. So, lest I fool myself that I am in this alone. I certainly have not been. But, I will say that yesterday in particular was difficult for me because it officially marked 1 week since we met and said goodbye to Ellanie Beth.

I held tight to so many promises yesterday, but nothing seemed to ease the ache inside of my heart that just longed for her to be here. Emmalyn has been sick, but happy even still. Hearing her run around the house, shouting, "Happy Christmas, everyone!" just increased the longing for those joyful sounds to be accompanied by a soft baby's cry or whimper. You know, before all of this happened, I often wondered how I was going to balance Ellanie's sleep patterns with Emmalyn's and how our routines were going to fall into place. Oh, how I wish I could replace the anxiety I felt over those very small details with joy to just have two precious healthy children to care for.

I must share something that shifted my perspective in a profound way last night. Because this couple is so humble they probably won't like me calling them out, but I must. It was wisdom from the heart of God and I'm overwhelmingly thankful for it. Rick & Sherri Burgess came to visit my family last night because they are dear to us and wanted to express their heart felt concern/sympathy. If anyone has known deep suffering due to the loss of a child, it is this family. I'm sure most of you are familiar with their story, but the Lord chose to carry home their son Bronner, at only 2 years old. My sisters and I had the pleasure of baby-sitting all 3 of their boys, Bronner being the youngest. There was something uniquely special about him from conception. Sherri and I even sat and recalled the day she learned she was expecting. I was sitting for the boys while she was out running errands in preparation for Rick's surprise 40th b'day party. She was grinning from ear to ear & when I asked her if everything was okay, she responded, "It's perfect." I remember that day well because I recall feeling overjoyed for all the good that the Lord was doing for their family. Things seemed to just be... well, perfect.

Its funny because Sherri spoke the same aspect of our situation before learning of Ellanie Beth's condition. She mentioned that she was on a run and the Lord brought us to her mind, recalling all of the wonderful things that He was accomplishing- taking us back to our home town, gracing us both with new, wonderful jobs, expanding our ministry, and mostly gifting us with a second child that would be a sweet playmate for our Emmalyn. Just one day later she learned of our devastating news and she said her first thought was, "Things just seemed so perfect."

What she reminded me of last night is that they still are. For me to long for Ellanie Beth to be here with us is a normal human reaction, but it's not right. Because what happened, in the way that it happened, is our Father's perfect plan. Everything He does is perfection because He is perfection. He created perfection! Last night I was praying through Prov. 16:9 and I was reminded that while in my heart, I may plan my course it is HIM that determines my steps. Life may not go as we had planned, but even still I am grateful that He is never caught off guard. He knows EVERYTHING that will befall us. We need Him to carry us when we can't take the next step, and that's what He is doing... some days its like I can literally feel Him holding me in the palm of His mighty hand and it is a feeling that I never want to forget (Ps. 63:7-8). I will never settle for less...

Psalm 116:15 says that the death of His saints is precious to Him. Sometimes, my only answer is that He is sovereign. It is the words that our pastor spoke to us 2 weeks ago when we learned of this road we'd be facing and they are the words we have been speaking to our hearts ever since. One day, when we are joined with Him in the new Heaven and new earth, we will have all the answers. Until then, I must trust that He has power and dominion over all things and that His perfect plan is best. Even when I don't feel it, His spirit is helping me to believe it...

Several of you are still asking how you may help. The Ellanie Beth Roper Memorial Fund still remains and if you'd like to donate, you can do so here. Thank you so much for your continued prayers...

Precious, perfect feet!

Hope Born of Suffering

2011-12-08T16:31:00.000-08:00

As physical healing slowly comes, I am realizing that emotional healing will take so much more time than I had prepared myself for. "Pick me up off the floor" moments are numerous and as I trust not in the merit of my own strength, I am being awakened more each day to the realization of how much I need Him... how much I need hope.

Last night, I resolved myself to the fact that my pain wasn't getting better, only worsening. Against my better judgement, I ended up having an epidural during my 28 hour labor/delivery because the pain just became so intense. When neither (yes, they tried twice) took, I ended up in the very same boat regardless. However; I must say the pain from the delivery couldn't have come close to touching the pain my husband and I had in our hearts. Unfortunately, this dilemma just left me with horrible after-effects of spinal headaches caused from multiple spinal fluid leaks in my back. When finding ourselves back in the MEU at UAB Women's & Infants hospital last night, I had a fleeting thought, "Father, please release me from this. I have learned suffering and I am ready to strengthen my muscles for the next level." Then, I heard the sweet sound of a newborn baby cry as it was being carried to the nursery and fell apart. I then realized, "this triumph isn't quite over and the healing and learning has just begun." Psalm 119 says: "It was good for me to be afflicted, so that I might learn your decrees. The law from your mouth is more precious to me than thousands of pieces of silver and gold." We can never know what His word means until we are so afflicted that we cannot live without Him. Meaning must come forth from tragedy...

The one thing we were anticipating most upon leaving the hospital was embracing our precious 22 month old, Emmalyn. To not have the physical strength to hold her over the past few days has been unbelievable torture. However; her smile and her witty sense of humor has brought us so many moments of joy and laughter, even in the midst of pain. Yesterday morning, she climbed up in bed with me and laid her head on my shoulder, saying, "Feel better, Mommy, feel better." Its in those moments that I recall Lamentations 3:13,19-22. The unfailing love of the Lord NEVER ENDS! By His mercies we have been kept from complete destruction.

This morning, I received the most encouraging email from a woman who read an article about Ellanie's story on a website called Inspire a Fire. This is a Christian website inspired by authors who want to encourage and uplift the body of Christ through the written word & literary art. One of my dear friends, and former authors, Christa Allan, submitted our story and it was recently published here. In reading this woman's message, I learned that she too lost a child to anencephaly. She carried to full term, only to spend a few minutes with her baby boy before he left her arms and entered into the arms of Jesus. She went on to tell me how young she was and that she didn't necessarily give her situation to the Lord b/c she wasn't a believer. In her anger, hurt, and confusion, she eventually did turn her face to Him seeking perspective. And of course, in His mercy, over time He brought peace and revealed to her a love greater than ALL loves. Just physical existence in grief is not what Christ died to bring us. He came that we might have life and have it more abundantly. As impossible and unreachable as this truth may seem, God can restore abundant life.

Jeremy & I haven't been able to help but have several "proud parent moments" due to the impact that baby Ella has had in so many lives during her short moments of life than we have had in my entire lifetime. Our hope, born of suffering has produced more perseverance than we ever thought possible. So my prayer over the past week has and will continue to be, Father, please continue to bring me along so that I can rejoice in my sufferings because I know that suffering produces perseverance and perseverance, hope (Romans 5:3). You are the Creator and Sustainer of all things. Please transform my thorn into a flower. Bring sunshine after the rain...

If you'd like to contribute to the Ellanie Beth Roper Memorial Fund, you may do so here.

Stillness...

2011-12-05T10:42:00.000-08:00

Being still is hard for me. I'm pretty sure it's an instinct God has implanted in all women. It's just hard for a woman in general to not be able to get up and plan, serve, and take care of her family. Now, I am the one being being taken care of and its humbling. It reminds me that I need others and that most of all... I need Him. My dearest friend, Julia, who came from Nashville to comfort us, gently yet firmly in love reminded me..."You don't have to be strong Mae, not now."

December 4, 2011 is a day that we will never forget. The day we received the honor of seeing sweet Ellanie Beth Roper drift into this world and drift out at the same time. Life is so precious. The Lord truly opened my eyes to see the beauty in this gift through the birth of our amazing Emmalyn and He revealed it to us in a whole new way through the life of baby Ella. Holding all 7 inches and 1 pound of her was like holding God's glory in the palm of my hand. The intricate details of her tiny face, hands, and feet... the astonishing way that her nose resembled Emmalyn's and how she had her Daddy's long fingers and toes... the warmth I felt when holding her, even though her heart wasn't beating... and the way He allowed us to see right past the physical defect of her skull to see only beauty in its fullest form, confirmed that His glory is in everything if we'll only focus our eyes on the cross and allow ourselves to see it.

I was reminded of the old hymn... "Turn your eyes upon Jesus, look full in His wonderful face and the things of earth will grow strangely dim, in the light of His glory and grace." My amazing family sang this to me as we held baby Ella, and each other, and she drifted into the arms of our Savior into eternity. A moment that as parents, Jeremy and I will treasure for the rest of our lives. We are reminded that there is nothing we go through that He does not endure with us. His compassion for us through the cross is always proof of that. He sacrificed His only Son so that when we endure pain, sorrow, and grief we have a living hope to cling to in Christ. So, He knows loss and his compassion is everlasting.

Sarah Groves wrote a song a few years ago after enduring the loss of an infant called It Might Be Hope. I remembered these words this morning as my husband helped me out of bed, my feet hit the floor, I grabbed the small pillow from our memorial box that held Ella's head, and reality hit me. Unswervingly we hold fast to hope. Hope that is eternal and even moreso than ever, we yearn for heaven... we yearn for glory.

You do your work the best that you can
you put one foot in front of the other
life comes in waves and makes its demands
you hold on as well as you're able
You've been here for a long long time

Hope has a way of turning its face to you
just when you least expect it
you walk in a room
you look out a window
and something there leaves you breathless
you say to yourself
it's been a while since I felt this
but it feels like it might be hope

Several have asked about the Ellanie Beth Memorial Fund and how you may help in that way. Please know that this is a gesture of love that our family of believers at North Highlands Baptist Church has organized so that it is easy and efficient for any that felt led of the Spirit to give. We are ever so grateful and just want to share how you may access that. Just visit her GIVING PAGE & follow the instructions from there. It will ask for the first 3-5 digits of the zip code of the organization you which to donate in and that is 35023. You can also just donate by sending a check or money order to:

Ellanie Beth Roper Memorial Fund
North Highlands Baptish Church
4851 15th Street Rd.
Hueytown, AL 35023

Again, thank you for your prayerful thoughts, actions, and words of encouragement during this time. They are helping us endure. Please do remember us in the journey ahead as we know that healing takes time and it starts at the cross, where His blood covers us.

A Living Hope...

2011-12-01T19:18:00.000-08:00

I have been watching the clock since Tuesday night, hoping it would slow down. Perhaps even stop. Then the Lord reminded me, "I am not bound by time, child...and I am with you always." So, now 3 days since the news we received about our baby Ellanie Beth, we are clinging to hope. Hope that still survives, even in realizing the impending death we face.

I cannot tell you how overwhelmed Jeremy & I have been by the prayers, love, support, and encouragement of our family, friends, and even those we do not know. Our hearts overflow with gratitude. I had a woman contact me yesterday from south Africa... SOUTH AFRICA??! She lives in Cape Town and ministers to women there like myself, who face birthing children with fatal birth defects. She is a counselor in a local hospital that delivers these babies. Somehow, she read this blog and she said that she was going to use our story with the women she ministers to. She in return gave me words of wisdom & truth to cling to. I don't know why I am surprised. It seems that when the Lord's glory is at stake, He will go to great lengths in ensuring it is spread... to all nations. He is so much bigger than our circumstance.

Last night, I received godly counsel from a very special and dear friend to read 1 Peter and was so thankful for that direction. The apostle Peter's words, exhorting us to stand strong and reminding us of Christ's example was exactly what I needed to hear. Peter was known as the "apostle of hope." His primary message is to trust the Lord, live obediently no matter what your circumstances, and keep your hope fixed on God's ultimate promise of deliverance.
Last night my sweet husband reminded me that Ellanie is already a living hope of God's deliverance.

Today was extremely hard. The hardest of my life. We met with doctors at UAB women & infants center who specialize in delivery of infants with fatal neural birth defects. Otherwise, the best team you could possibly ask for. I felt confident in the care and advice we would receive... but not so much in how we would respond. For our entire family, I suppose we were still clinging tightly to the possibility that the detailed ultrasound would reveal even the tiniest brain stem movement, which is why we wanted to proceed with this detailed ultrasound. Dr. Davis, took us to his office after the ultrasound and I could immediately tell that he didn't have good news to deliver. He was tender, kind, and sympathetic. He confirmed that Ellanie does not have any brain development whatsoever and that while her body is developing at a normal rate, she has no brain activity and no skull. Without a brain, she cannot and will not survive. He then began to explain how strenuous that labor is on the body when the fetus is anencephalic. Due to no brain activity, the baby is not triggered to move toward the birth canal and everything that we know to be the "normal" process, does not register with the body. Then he explained that the bigger the baby grows the riskier this becomes for the mother. As he named off the risks and I watched tears run down my husband's face, my mind raced. I immediately began to think of our beautiful, smart, precious baby girl in which God has entrusted to us raise... Emmalyn. I am honored to be her mommy. Becoming a mother has drawn me closer to the feet of Jesus. As he explained that Ellanie will not have any more of a chance to live after being carried full term than she has now, I began to feel an overwhelming peace about the decision Jeremy and I had already felt the Lord bringing us to. I have to think about all the blessings God has given me now and how this will effect those. So, we will deliver early and trust Him to hold us... all of us.

As if that wasn't enough, he proceeds to tell us how lengthy of a delivery process this is. Twelve-twenty four hours... minimum. He has even seen up to 3 days. Due to this, hospital bills can be unimaginably expensive... sometimes financially devastating. We then learn that the independent plan we currently have will not cover this delivery. The new insurance that the Lord is providing us through Jeremy's new job isn't effective until next week. So my first thought is... "okay, we can just wait until next week when our new insurance is effective to do the procedure. We have confirmed with that provider that they will cover everything." This is not an option. In the state of Alabama, it is illegal to deliver after 20 weeks, even in a fatal birth, such as ours. Oddly enough, this law was just changed 4 weeks ago. Prior to that, it had always been 23 weeks. So... Jeremy and I squeeze one another's hands tight as we face more hard news. Dr. Davis looked into both our eyes and said, "You do understand what this means don't you?" And I'm not sure if i even really thought about my response. It just came out- kind of like word vomit :) I said, "Yes sir. It means that we trust that our Lord will provide and we move on with the decision He has given us peace with." He looked at us both shockingly. I wish I could tell you I reacted as a spiritual giant and felt no defeat, because we both did. I actually told both my mom and sister "I have never felt so defeated." But at the same time, in my heart, I also knew that for the Lord to allow these obstacles to be presented, He also had to be up to something big. He was building a platform for His glory and He was asking us to stand firmly on it. As incredibly hard as it may be.

I tell you all of this because first, we need prayer. Specific, wholehearted, believing prayers that our God will continue to hold this situation in His hands as He has from the beginning. And second because in lieu of flowers, there will be an Ellanie Beth trust fund established in which we ask that you prayerfully consider directing your gifts or contributions. We do not have details yet in how this is going to be organized, but we will keep you informed.

So, please remember us in prayer tomorrow as we face a long day... a long couple of days. And, as we meet Ellanie Beth. Because her heart is strong ("strong as a horse" was the doctor's exact words today) there is a chance she could live a couple of minutes, perhaps even up to an hour after the birth. We long for the time we are given with her to be that of precious memories and sweet moments that we can hold onto and allow to change us forever. My sister Lindsey reminded me this morning that Ellanie Beth has to be incredibly special for the Lord to want her so soon. I agree :) The fact of the matter is, I will never be the same. We are never the same. And I do not want to turn back.

I want to share with you a verse in 1 Peter I read last night that put me on my face & reminded me that our struggle, is for our good and His glory. My prayer is that His name be known through Ellanie's life and his people be drawn closer to His heart because isn't that what all of this is for?
In this you rejoice, though now for a little while, if necessary, you have been grieved by various trials, so that the tested genuineness of your faith- which is more precious than gold that perishes though it is tested by fires- may be found to result in PRAISE, GLORY, and HONOR (emphasis mine) at the revelation of Jesus Christ. Though you have not seen him, you live him. Though you do not now see him, you believe in him and rejoice with joy that is inexpressible and filled with glory, obtaining the outcome of your faith, the salvation of your souls. - 1 Peter 1:6-9

Sowing in tears... waiting for shouts of joy

2011-11-29T21:06:00.000-08:00

I'm young. I still have a lot to experience (Lord willing that is His plan) and while I've always said that I would be ready for our time of harvest, building our faith for what is yet to come, there is no way to understand what that means until you're just there. Standing between the crossroads of letting the Lord have your situation, or letting the enemy have it. We faced that crossroad today and I am choosing to let Him reign sovereignly over our circumstance. With every part of my being, I am believing in His gracious hand & His promises of truth. Even David chose confidence in his time of desperation, "I will see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living. Wait for the Lord, be strong and take heart and wait for the Lord." Ps. 27:13-14.

Yesterday morning, what we anticipated to be a routine, normal, 20 week ultrasound was far from it. We were told by my doctor that our gift of life, which is a girl by the way, has the rarest and severest form of spina bifida called Anencephaly. It is a neural tube defect that causes the baby's skull and brain to stop developing, very early in fetal development. There's no way to catch it before 12 weeks and there is no direct relation to the cause. Anencephaly has no treatment or cure and is always fatal. It is inevitable that even if the baby is carried to full term it will not live beyond hours, even minutes. She would immediately be put on life support only to survive for that very short time.

Our options are slim. We can induce early and I can deliver within the next few days, or I can carry to full term, knowing that our baby girl will either be a still-born or will only have hours to live at the maximum either way. This is where we stand and we are seeking the Lord's wisdom.

I honestly am having a difficult time putting my thoughts into sensible words, but I know that several of our family & friends are asking questions about this birth defect and what it means for our family so I feel its important to educate you (if you're like us and knew nothing of the condition). To tell you the truth everything about yesterday just seemed like a bad dream. I awoke this morning with that first thought..."please tell me that I just had a nightmare."

We recently moved back to our hometown, after having been gone for nearly 6 years (living in Nashville, TN and then south AL). At first, when we received the Lord's instruction to move our lives back to Birmingham we didn't quite understand what He was up to. Today, He certainly revealed Himself in numerous ways today & giving us clarity in that was one of them. Just 3 days ago I accepted the call to serve as Children's Pastor in the church I grew up in (North Highlands Baptist Church) and piece by piece God has revealed aspects of His master plan that we so often do not understand. Even in the bad news yesterday, He revealed another revelation of that plan. Our pastor reminded me of something when He came to pray with us right after we learned of our situation. He said, "Maegan, you are about to inherit hundreds of kids. I see no coincidence in that." He is right :)

His provision in surrounding us with unconditional love, support, encouragement, and prayer is just another reminder of how great His love is for us. He knew we would need the encouragement & support we're receiving and I'm thankful that even when we had questions, He gave us the courage to say "yes." I read a something from Beth Moore a few weeks ago that has stuck and I've especially been mindful of today: "The more Satan sees something crucial on the next step, the more he will fight you. Why does God allow such warfare? Sometimes God uses the fight to strengthen the muscles we'll need at the next level."

I suppose this is our next level and I'm praying to our almighty God that we will be ready... I wish we could introduce you to Ellanie Beth. The fact of the matter is that the Lord knew her before she was even knitted in my womb and this is all a part of His special plan for her. She has been and will continue to be special to us. She brought us to our knees before we ever learned of her condition and she is bringing us to our knees still... may He be honored in the highest way through her life.

A season thing

2011-10-29T06:06:00.000-07:00

For those of you that don't know me well i'm a huge John Mayer fan. I'm not closet about it b/c i think he's a brilliant musician. I like to tell myself that he loves Jesus b/c his lyrics are so deep and can often be traced back to a spiritual theme in life. Honestly. My sisters and I used to stay up having long conversations about some of his songs and how they reflected hints of his belief that there is something greater to this life, something much bigger than all of us. Ah, yes... that's what we like to believe but I'm not so sure that's the case. Nonetheless, i still love his music.

Lately, I've been studying through the Psalms. Something that I've never really done in depth before. At least, not the psalms of ascent (120-134). My eyes have been enlightened to some truths while I may have had head knowledge of, I had yet to let it penetrate my heart.

I feel like our family has gone through several "seasons" as of late. In fact, I feel as if we're always in a season. Not really ever certain of why we're there but trusting that our Father knows best and has an all-glorifying purpose. Recently, my favorite psalm has become 126. The psalm speaks of a people (the Israelites) who are living "between" times, so to speak. Between a time remembered that was good and another good time hoped for. While I can really relish in so many "good times remembered" we are in a season of "another good time hoped for" now. Waiting silently, seeking His face desperately, and joyfully following Him during the "in between." The last 2 verses of the psalm says: Those who sow in tears will reap with shouts of joy. Though one goes along weeping, carrying the bag of seed, he will surely come back with shouts of joy, carrying his sheaves.

Now how does this connect to John Mayer AT ALL? :) Well, in the last stanza of his song "Wheel" he says:

And you can't build a house of leaves, And live like it's an evergreen, It's just a season thing, It's just this thing that seasons do, And that's the way this wheel keeps working now.

I kind of chuckled to myself yesterday while listening to John on my iPod as i jogged and thought, "Yeah, you're right, John. We can't build a house of leaves and expect it to withstand the seasons." Like Peter, we must build our house on a rock. A solid foundation that withstands every season, good and bad, and that prepares us for a great harvest! Because ours is coming, and I'm ready to get there :)

Oh, the difference a year can make...

2011-10-14T18:30:00.000-07:00

Last fall, we were in a completely different place than we are now- physically (as in location) mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. I suppose that's good. I mean, if we were in the exact same place then what have we done in the last year? Did we make our time count? I suppose we have. It's been a long winding road of sharp curves, up & down hills, and even some long pit-stops, but nonetheless, our faith is sharpened.

When I look back at pictures of our precious Emmalyn from last fall I'm stunned, really. I mean, she doesn't even look like the same child she's grown so much!! How did that happen?

Emmalyn at 9 months old (Oct. 2010)

This morning I was reminded of Ecclesiastes 3:14-15
I know that everything God does will endure forever; nothing can be added to it and nothing can be taken from it. Whatever is has already been, and what will be has been before.

I was so encouraged in reflecting on this truth, fully understanding that whatever God does in our lives is so that we will reflect on His goodness and revere Him, even in the sharp turns, pit-stops, and valleys.

When I look at our Emmalyn now, I just have to smile & give humble thanks at the sweet, intelligent, and loving little girl she's becoming. One year has literally changed everything.

Loving the Dora halloween card that her Aunt Nat & Uncle Chris sent her!

She's also becoming something else... here in the next 6 months :)

Fearless

2011-10-10T13:54:00.000-07:00

There are some things in life that terrify me. But mostly, it's big things, such as drowning, being kidnapped, eaten alive by a tiger, plane crashes, etc. I can watch scary movies until I'm blue in the face, have bungee jumped and would love to sky-dive, held a snake, gotten a tattoo... all of which didn't frighten me. I'm kind of making myself sound more brave than I actually am, but honestly... it's the bigger picture things in life that scare me most.

Not with my toddler. She's scared of the ice cream truck. Terrfied. Anytime it comes to our neighborhood, she runs and cries. Same goes for garbage trucks, the FedEx truck or any large vehicle that carries a loud noise. However; the things you'd assume most 20 month olds to be hesitant of, she is most definitely not. Especially animals. My parents and I took her to the zoo just a few weeks ago when we were visiting in Birmingham and she wanted to race toward every animal she saw, even the not so welcoming ones. She plunges out into the ocean with no fear of a wave tackling her to the sand, jelly fish, or anything else that may make us shy away from the water. Just the other day I was out in our yard, putting up fall decorations and she had picked up a stick with a stink bug on it and came running saying, "Look, Mommy! Bugga-bugga!"

I thought in comparison about fears that hold me back from so many things- fears that shape my life. Safety often becomes something that I seek harder after than Him. Though I walk in the midst of trouble, You will revive me;...and your right hand will save me (Ps. 138:7).

Being fear-filled holds us back from loving wildly and deeply. Because love is risky, we hold back. Not to say that Christ condemns legitimate concerns, just a repetitive mind-set of fear that keeps us from His presence. I am thankful we can never go where God is not!! "I am with you always," Jesus promised (Matthew 28:20).

So, perhaps I should take some lessons from my toddler and just plunge into fear. After all, a follower of safety can't accomplish greatness. But, courage can.

Be of good courage, and He shall strengthen your heart, all you who hope in the Lord ( Psalm 31:24).

No apologies...

2011-09-28T07:35:00.000-07:00

My child has recently started saying "I'm sorry" for no apparent reason. Initially, the first time she said it, I immediately told her that she had no need to be sorry b/c she hadn't done anything. I tried to explain to her we're only sorry when we do something wrong or we're regretful. I know she doesn't understand in what context to use it yet, but I do want to keep teaching her. Of course, I immediately blamed myself. Well, surely I did something to infuse in her the need to be sorry, right? Or, perhaps she doesn't really mean that she's regretful about something, but she just wants mommy's affection. Either way, it bothered me that she kept saying it.

Then, one weekend my mother was in town after a conference she'd been attending and she heard her say it. I told her I'd been worried that she kept saying it randomly without cause. My Mom then said, "Well, Maegan just since I've been here you've apologized to me two or three times for unnecessary reasons. She gets it from you." Really?? No, I don't do that. Then, the beloved husband chimes in... "Yeah, honey you kind of do have a habit about doing that."

Okay, great. So, my child is already tapping into her insecurities and learning to say "I'm sorry" for every little thing. I know it probably shouldn't have, but this just really bothered me. I was super thankful for my family's honesty because I was totally unaware of my own tendency to do the same thing.

This morning as I was spending time in prayer, the Lord was reminding me gently of His unconditional love. Unlike humans, we like to base our love on conditions... we'll love you forever IF you always protect for me, or we'll love you forever IF you never stab me in the back or betray me.... but Jesus... he loves us unapologetically, so much so that he humbled himself to death. In the same way, I pray my child understands that we love her unapologetically no matter what she does. And in return my hope is that this teaches her to be unapologetic in her love for Christ. May she never be sorry for loving Him radically, faithfully, and wholeheartedly. Even if it costs her everything...

So, i had to share this little video in which you can hear Emmalyn telling me, "I'm sorry, Mommy!" It's a habit we're BOTH trying to break :)

Good vs. Best

2011-09-22T12:30:00.000-07:00

The age-old question that I'm not sure I'll ever master. I may be doing what is good, but am I don't what is best? I feel sometimes like my days are full of good decisions, but none of them necessarily best for me. It's not separating the good from the bad, but grabbing the best out of all the possible good. Yeah... see what I mean??

I know in my heart a huge part of the dilemma is surrendering control. I remind myself every day that a control freak cannot be completely available for the Kingdom :) I know that discerning what is best will come easily when I allow my Father to make that decision. A couple of months ago I was reading Oswald Chambers and this quote stayed with me. His principle is "the good is the enemy of the best." So, so true.

In seeking the Best we soon find that our enemy is our good things, not our bad. The things that keep us back from God's best are not sin and imperfection, but the things that are good and right and noble from the natural standpoint... Very few of us debate with the solid sordid and evil and wrong, but we do debate with the good.
- Oswald Chambers

With all our responsibilities of just daily living: family, jobs, etc. it makes sense to commit ourselves to doing our best in one area of service at a time, right? Oh, but for some reason this is hard for me to do. And not just with daily living, but with the big decisions in life. I want to say "yes" to opportunities that produce gladness in my heart, not because I am trying to please someone or because I'm worried about missing out. And even better, I want the freedom to say "no" even if it's a good thing. Not just to be less busy, but because I'm making time for things that I had always hoped before to squeeze in, such as serving others, spending more time with my family, or more importantly, just spending more time at the feet of Jesus.

Now listen, you who say, "Today or tomorrow we will go to this or that city, spend a year there, carry on business and make money." Why, you do not even know what will happen tomorrow. What is your life? You are a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes. Instead you ought to say, "If it is the Lord's will, we will live and do this or that." As it is, you boast and brag. All such boasting is displeasing to the Lord. ~ James 4:14-16

Crushing my time

2011-08-31T19:52:00.000-07:00

Teach us how short our life is so that we may become wise. ~Psalm 90:12

Every day is a new day. But all too often I feel like just when I'm two steps ahead, I fall two steps behind. This principle of enjoying Him every day in the daily tasks is ever before me and while I'm afraid I'll never master it, I am striving! Do you ever feel like you cheat something every day? Like no matter how hard you try, it's inevitable that something is going to get the short end of the stick.

Sometimes its the Lord, sometimes its my family, friends, work, my home, or ministry. I never really feel "caught up." But I suppose its a good daily dose of humility in remembrance of my constant need for Him & His guidance in my life.

This afternoon I read a quote that made me say "YES!" out loud as Emmalyn munched on her PB&J & gave me a funny look :) The sanctity of time... we try to preserve it so carefully because we feel there's never enough but in our efforts we just destroy it.

Those who sanctify time and who give time away- who treat time as a gift and not a possession- have time in abundance. Contrariwise, those who guard every minute, resent every interruption, ration every moment, never have enough. They're always late, always behind, always scrambling, always driven. There is, of course, a place for wise management of our days and weeks and years. But management can quickly turn into rigidity. We hold time so tight we crush it, like a flower closed in the fist. We thought we were protecting it, but all we did was destroy it. Mark Buchanan

Instead of viewing my day as a list of things to accomplish before it ends, I am reminded to see it as a gift and to sanctify the present. This simplifies life and that's what I long for... pure, simple devotion to Him. Life is unpredictable (this we have learned for sure) and though often our days do not go as planned, if I am abandoned to God alone then I'm free to allow Him to use my days as He wants. This is a much better way than my own :)

Natalie & Chris's Wedding- Part II

2011-08-23T22:32:00.000-07:00

When my sister was little she'd lock herself in her room and make crafts, play with her little people, and we could literally not hear from her for hours. She never really needed to be entertained. Her wheels were always turning & her creative brain always churning.

A few days before her wedding I called to check on things and my heart smiled when she said, "I'm just sewing bunting for my cake table." Seriously?? Now I myself on the other hand can barely sew on a button, so I chuckled at our night & day personalities but also the similarities we share. Her wedding was such a picture of who she is, which I love. It's so much more refreshing to see a bride's personality reflected in every detail of her special day rather than just contemporary wedding ideas and familiar magazine clippings.

From the selection of flowers to the accessories she wore...

It's funny how even as we grow older certain things about us never change :) While my family grows & changes every passing day, there's so many things that are still the same, still familiar and that's such a comforting feeling.

A cute little embellishment to her shoes!

Favors for the guests- little coffee bags that said "Love is brewing!"

A sweet little table dedicated to my Mom & Dad with vintage elements like gloves and an old radio...

Decor outside the American Village barn, where the reception was held.

The bride's beautiful bouquet!

The stunning bride and her beautiful AND delicious cake!

Three sisters... :)

And of course, I had to throw in a picture of this adorable baby girl!!

I'm anxious to talk to my sister once she gets home and settles into her new life with her new husband. I think that was my favorite part... coming home to realize that your new life is beginning with the person you love most!

Natalie & Chris's Wedding

2011-08-21T20:06:00.000-07:00

This time last year if you would've asked my family (even more so my parents) if we expected two weddings in less than a year we'd probably have responded with a chuckle followed by "Um, no." Nonetheless, here we are, just 10 months after Lindsey & Jared's special day, celebrating my youngest sister Natalie and her sweet husband, Chris. And joyfully so. They are truly a special, one-of-a-kind couple and it was bitter-sweet to be apart of their amazingly blessed day. Only bitter because while we'll always be the "Harris sisters" we're no longer Harris's. And while our bond will always remain unspeakably unique, it's different now. And obviously sweet in so many ways because my happiness for my sister & her now husband extends far beyond what I can express.

I wasn't able to take many pictures that day b/c I was obviously pretty preoccupied, but I did capture a few sweet moments. I thought I'd break it up into a couple of blog posts just so that this one isn't forever and a day long.

To capture the detail of their wedding would be impossible. My sister put so much intricate thought & attention into every element that it was almost overwhelming (in a good way). From the moment you stepped into the chapel of American Village and then entered the barn doors of the reception you were captivated by every sweet aspect. Everything was very vintage & shabby chic, which really describes my sister to a "T." Elegance with a touch of fun flair was draped all over the place (again, such a perfect description of Natalie). Even though she had described multiple times what she envisioned it didn't quite do justice until you saw it for yourself. She and my mom collaborated so well together with their eloquent taste and fun ideas!

Taken by my sister Lindsey before the reception began...

I love this look of day-dreaming she has on her face :)

Sweet mother/daughter moment

Natalie's "something blue"

So glad our cousin Julie was apart of all 3 of our special days!

Such a gorgeous bride!

The ceremony was a perfect picture of the gospel & to see it so closely was truly memorable. I'm excited and eager to watch Natalie & Chris bring glory to the Lord through their marriage. Another unbelievably special day... :)

Old is good, but sometimes new is better...

2011-08-04T12:19:00.000-07:00

I'm constantly challenged with trying new things. I'm such a routine oriented person ( i love a to-do list!) that it's often hard to make myself try something different- especially if that something different requires a break in routine. Anal, i know. But, routine is good too!

Lately, we've been trying lots of new things. God has placed us in several new seasons- job transition, new community, new friends, new ways of doing things, and for me all of that at one time can be overwhelming. That's why I've asked Him to help be embrace the newness every day, enjoying Him all the while. For instance, I've never had a work-out routine, EVER (maybe for like a week in college). You may gasp, but formerly I've always dabbled in about 10,000 different things and none of those allowed for a regular exercise routine (or better yet, I never allowed an exercise routine!). But lately, I find myself going to yoga, cardio, zumba, and spinning classes and loving all of it.

Having my own business from home & being a stay-at-home-mom too is a very new thing for me. It's taken (and still is taking) alot of lessons in time management and asking the Lord to help me be more flexible with my agenda. While Emmalyn is still only 18 months old & not fully independent, I want her to have new experiences every day. With throwing work into the mix, it's super easy to get caught up in a daily routine that quite frankly will bore her really fast! So, recently we've implemented arts & crafts day & cupcake day. I'm a huge fan of both, personally :)

Art & Craft day

Any of you that know me well know that I don't claim to be uber domestic, especially where cooking is concerned. I'm not a bad cook, I just don't love doing it most of the time. But lately, especially since my husband works long hours at night and is the picky eater out of our bunch, I've been compelled to try lots of new things. Some of them are a bust, but some are REALLY good! Like my new homemade sun dried tomato & parsley hummus :)

In thinking about all the newness in our life lately, the Lord just began to challenge me with so many truths about our being made new in Him. I began to think about when I first became a follower of Christ. I wasn't a "bad" person before I knew him so there were some former things about me that didn't really change. But, because I understood and embraced the freedom that His love offered me I became new, understanding that it is in HIM that I live, move, and have my very being (Acts 17:28).

This brought about an eternal life change. I guess in the same way I want the new seasons & new experiences in my life to affect me for the better. To change the way I see people, events, and circumstances so that I'm more aware of the enjoyment the Lord wants me to walk with Him in daily. After all... that is why we're here. To love God, love others, and enjoy Him.

Will Jesus Buy Me a Double-Wide?

2011-07-29T19:00:00.000-07:00

Recently, I had the privilege of reading a book recommended by a client of mine. Considering she wrote it, I figured I better read it when she suggested that I'd enjoy it. In conversation about how God was transforming our biblical worldview from a self fulfillment kind of gospel to self denial, I knew we'd work well together. It excites me to come in contact with a fellow believer who is pressing along the same path... a path toward something greater than this life... greater than ourselves.

In Will Jesus Buy Me a Double-Wide Karen Zacharias interviews people who make 40 billion a year to people who live in a van and eat pork n' beans every night for dinner. In doing so, she ultimately confirms that God's love for us isn't based on our net worth, but found at the foot of the wondrous cross.

Because we often buy into a prosperity, golden calve theology, most believers register into the lie that our lives are always supposed to be comfortable. I'll be honest, until my relationship with Christ really started to grow in my college years, this was my perspective. "If I just do everything God expects of me, then He'll bless me and keep me safe from hardship." Not serving Him because it was all I wanted to do out of gratitude for what He accomplished for me, but to get something in return.

Five months ago, we moved to Daphne, AL. We were living in Nashville, TN and were very happy/content there. My husband had finally received a job that would allow me to stay at home with our baby girl, Emmalyn, and start my own freelance business- something I had been dreaming of and praying about for a long time. He was also serving on staff as Student Pastor at a church in Green Hills, where we were just starting to feel like God was fulfilling His purpose for us in ministry. Just as everything seemed steady, comfortable, and safe... He turned the ship around and asked us to put to faith something we had been praying about for quite some time. I wouldn't say we had given up on Him fulfilling this call, but we certainly had set up our camp in our cozy tent, and we were okay with that.

Over the past several months, He has shown us through multiple lessons that He doesn't will us to be comfortable because it's when we're comfortable that we become ineffective for the Kingdom. Jeremy & I long to continually be challenged and sharpened for His name's sake, but in order to live that way we also must be willing to take whatever comes, knowing that perseverance produces faith. I used to think that if I wasn't in the spot God "ordained" me to be in that He wouldn't take care of me. As if my punishment was loss of His provision. He is teaching us that as long as we are following Him because we long to be made like Him, and discipling others to do the same, then His provision is with us wherever we are. We're free. Now and forevermore...

So, if you're summer reading is done and you're looking for something eye opening, pick up Will Jesus Buy Me a Double-Wide? You'll be glad you did!

Girls Just Wanna Have Fun...

2011-07-19T19:19:00.000-07:00

With every month that passes & Emmalyn gets older, I see just how much "girl" she has in her :) Yes, the apple doesn't fall far from the tree, but with a husband who is as much of a sports nut as mine is, I think that we often wondered...

To his dismay, she loves tea parties, wears mommy's heels around the house for fun, and loves to play "kitchen" as much as the next girlie girl. No doubt, it's fun for me too because this is what I secretly hoped for! While, my complex lately over her getting bigger hasn't ceased, I do love doing girlie things together now that she understands what they are.

Paining our toe nails alike is a favorite, and we've even got matching TOMS :)

When she's in her own world playing, I'm amazed at how aware she is of the daily things that mommy does- such as cleaning, cooking, and even the nurture and care she uses as she plays "baby dolls." I guess it's an instinct planted by our creator in all girls and as much as a toddler can understand it, I think she does!

Happy 18 months to our precious Emmalyn. You continue to melt our hearts with each passing day the Lord allows us to care for you!

When it rains it pours...but thank God for the rain!

2011-07-10T21:09:00.000-07:00

I love moments that make you forget about everything difficult around you. Moments that allow you to get purely lost in God's goodness just for a minute, as opposed to focusing on what you don't have or what's currently wrong with life.

We haven't had a lot of rain here this summer. There's been a 21 inch shortage to be exact. But summer has still been good to us. We've had fun moments in the sun. Days filled with laughter, ocean breeze, sand between our toes, hot air balloons and Blue Bell ice cream :) All of the things that make some of the tough things in life disappear for just a moment.

See, during the drought, we still have found ways to embrace the blessing around us. To enjoy summer to the fullest, even in the heat. One of those being the joy of having my sister & brother-in-law live with us temporarily. While they too, experiencing a drought of their own, found some sunshine that helped them escape the tough moments, we were thankful for their presence and for the joy they brought our home! Just last week, they left to embark on a new journey that took them to Wichita, Kansas. A journey that will lead my brother-in-law to a second shot at his dream and one that will lead my sister to growth as a wife and as a woman trusting God.

And even though their little niece is walking around looking for her uncle who will throw her in the pillows or her aunt who will chase her with the camera, she's loved by them where they are and meanwhile, we are beyond excited for their adventure!

And while I'm sure the drought is not over, the rain has come. In ways I never expected. Summer began with a season of change and newness for us and it continues on in a humble spirit of trust, thankfulness and gratitude even in the valley of the unknown. Our pastor said something this morning that I will never forget, especially in this season. "You must dig your ditch for tomorrow's rain. Dig ditches for rain in the lowest point. Fill the valley with ditches because God is going to bring more rain than we can handle." If that is so, then bring on the rain. Let it pour, and in the drought we'll dig our ditch and enjoy the sweet moments...

And So It Begins...

2011-07-06T19:51:00.000-07:00

It's incredibly hard for me to believe, but the time for potty training has arrived. I've heard so many horror stories from friends that I've definitely had my own set of fears and reservations about this phase, but Emmalyn makes it very clear on a daily basis that she is READY!

She started about a month ago coming to Jeremy & I and telling us after she had "poo-pooed" or "tee-teed." Now, she's warning us beforehand which is a sure sign.

Last weekend when my family was in town, my mom bought her a training seat and she actually got excited about it :) I have it sitting next to our toilet and she runs into the bathroom and says "Two potties!" Seriously, I know that I'm partial, as each parent to their own child, but our Emmy is super smart. Just yesterday, she spelled "Mom" on the fridge with her magnetic letters and said, "Mommy!"

So, I'm hoping this is an easy process. Life is complicated right now and I'm not sure I can do more complicated :)

And so it begins...!!

Spontaneous Days of Summer!

2011-06-21T12:29:00.000-07:00

LA (lower Alabama) is HOT. I mean, sticky, humid, blazing hot. BUT... we are loving the plethora of options for a cool down during the day and the many activities our little town offers for Emmalyn to have a fun summer!

It seems as I'm studying to simply my life more, the challenges of time management just keep increasing. I guess there's no better way to learn and master than to have to put it into practice :) My freelance business has picked up tremendously lately, which I'm incredibly grateful for; however, it does make those having those spontaneous days more difficult. I've always been a "list" person and that's something I'm allowing the Lord to break me of lately. In trying not to focus so much on my agenda, and what I need to get done, I'm learning to cease the fun little moments with my sweet Emmalyn and with our family & friends. I've definitely not mastered it yet and it's a daily struggle... but I'm inching closer to where I long to be :)

Every other Tuesday, Emme and I enjoy summer storytime at our public library or either preschool play at our local skate center. It's very cool. They close the rink for preschoolers & their parents only and bring out inflatable jumpers and have skate-alongs that teach the little ones to learn how to skate. Each week they feature a different character. The first week we went, Minnie came to visit. Then Dora the Explorer. Yep... THE Dora.

I was a bit nervous about taking Emme b/c i thought she might just pass out or go into a mini coma from all the excitement. Instead, her reaction cracked me up. She was VERY leary of her at first. Well, to tell you the truth i was too. I mean, she was kind of scary looking, but needless to say, it was the real Dora to Emmalyn. She placed quite a bit of distance between them at first. Eventually, she would get closer to her IF you held her ;)

See what i mean... not sure just yet.

Inching my way closer...

Nope, just kidding. Still unsure :)

Love playing with my aunt LuLu!

Two years later...

2011-06-06T20:46:00.000-07:00

This morning as I was having some quiet mommy time I realized that two years ago yesterday I found out I was expecting :) Even though it was only two years ago, it feels as if the world has changed completely since then.

I started thinking about all that God has brought us through and everyone He's placed in our path to love, support and encourage along the way. I remember all the mixed emotions Jeremy & I felt that day. I actually went to visit the doctor thinking I had the stomach flu :) I walked out an hour later with life changing news and an unimaginably big smile on my face.

Lately, I've been blogging a lot about simplicity- a life lesson God is teaching me.

Becoming a woman of simplicity is what He is championing me for. Pure, simple, and unhindered devotion to Christ. Because if that is not in place, then all my other efforts are in vain. I read a prayer this morning that brought tears to my eyes. It's everything I've felt lately in perfect expression. So, I'll share it with you in hopes that it charges you to experience the same kind of gratitude for what HE is for us.

You have made me so rich, oh God, please let me share out Your beauty with open hands. My life has become an uninterrupted dialogue with You, one great dialogue. Sometimes when I stand in some corner of the camp, my feet planted on Your earth, my eyes raised toward Your Heaven, tears sometimes run down my face, tears of deep emotion and gratitude. At night, too, when I lie in bed and rest in You, oh God, tears of gratitude run down my face, and that is my prayer.
~Etty Hillesum, "Prayer from Auschwitz"

Preggers

Welcoming Emmalyn!

Six months old

Now :)

One of many funny faces :)

Simply Dwelling...

2011-06-05T10:41:00.000-07:00

Do you ever have one of those moments in whatever you're doing (whether it be grocery shopping, having coffee with a friend, washing dishes, or helping someone) you're just overcome?? Overcome with a feeling of gratitude that you could never express verbally and so strong that you simply have to stop and just let it consume you. I mean... really dwell in it.

I had one of those moments last Saturday. Jeremy asked me what was the matter and I couldn't even explain it to him. The inadequate response, "I'm just thankful" didn't quite seem to hit the mark, but nonetheless, it's all I could say. We were playing in our backyard in Emmalyn's kiddy pool. As we laughed and played together I had an overwhelming Spirit moment. I felt him whisper, "you are so blessed, child and you sometimes don't even bask in it."

Lately, my prayers have been for Him to teach me to pray in the Spirit at all times, as Paul charges us to do. It's something that I personally have to make myself be consciously aware of. After all, the primary energy and influence in our walk with Him is not our own will or knowledge, but the ever-present and active Spirit in us.

As we played on a beautiful afternoon, in our beautiful home, with our beautiful family, I realized that I don't fully soak in those little moments enough.

Oh, to always be overcome by God's goodness and mercy and live out my life in that fashion! To not just wait on the big God moments to shout out His goodness, but to fully realize it in the small ones just as much.

I believe this kind of simplicity pleases Him. And just as I watch Emmalyn already realizing that when she does certain things like clap her hands and say "good girl!" after we've instructed her to do something, it makes mommy & daddy smile, I too long to make my Father satisfied with me.

The word "dwell" is a participle from the verb "to sit." (Not to offer you a grammar recap lesson, but this is how I study :) I like to understand the origin of things.) Not such an easy thing for us, but something that I'm finding when I make time to allow the Spirit to "dwell" in my day and to truly speak, there is not a doubt in my heart that transformation is taking place.

Dwelling shouldn't just be an exercise, but a means for the strengthening and reshaping of our own hearts. This I'm learning and begging for one day at a time...

Simple Obedience

2011-06-01T20:20:00.000-07:00

If only it were that easy... when I started receiving inspiration for this post, I couldn't get the old yet very familiar hymn out of my head- "trust and obey, for there's no other way to be happy in Jesus, than to trust and obey." However; I'm finding lately that it really IS that easy and that when we focus on simple, daily, obedience to Him everything else falls into place. It's inevitable that when I'm most anxious, most tense, most stressed out, and farthest from Him, I am not walking in the simplicity of His truth.

Our church has been studying Romans 8 recently. Our pastor is calling it "8 for 8." He's challenging us to spend 8 minutes in Romans chapter 8 every day. It's been enlightening to see a book I thought i knew so well take on a refreshingly new meaning when reading it daily. Col. 3:17 charges us in whatever we do, whether in word or in deed, do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus. This simply means to act consistently with who He is and what He wants. Oh, how I apically I fail at this majority of the time though. When Paul says in verse 13 of chapter 8, but if by the Spirit you are putting to death the deeds of the flesh, you will live, He confirms to me once again that all He is asking is that we simply devote ourselves daily to walk in obedience with Him. While the killing of our flesh is a process I'm convinced is never completed in this life, the apostle Paul says the Spirit provides us with the energy & power that we need to do this gradually, day by day.

The means the Spirit uses to accomplish this process is our faithful obedience to the simple commands of Scripture.

If there is one thing He has taught us lately it is that He will more than take care of us when we are actively pursuing a walk of faithful obedience to Him. Even if it's the smallest step of obedience, He honors it all for His name's sake. I want to leave my offering of pure, simple, and faithful obedience at His feet daily and trust that every other part of my life is in His hands. As Paul says, for all who are being led by the Spirit of God, these are the sons of God.

Life's a Dance...

2011-05-16T19:19:00.000-07:00

Last week, my sweet Emmalyn turned 16 months old. When I think about all that has taken place in the last 16 months, I'm overwhelmed and overcome by how much joy and thankfulness she has brought to our lives! From her adorable giggle, to her strong personality, she is growing into her own little person more and more each day. As I watch it unfold, I'm constantly reminded of the Lord's delicate craftsmanship in molding us as individuals!

Getting the opportunity to be with her everyday has been wonderful. We have our little routine & sometimes that little routine gets interrupted by whatever fun comes along. Running through the sprinkler, blowing bubbles, and as of late... dancing! Emmalyn has become a dancing queen. She doesn't even have to hear a song on the radio to bust a move. A simple melody will do! Just last week at our weekly story-time at the library, the puppet artist started singing "Old MacDonald" and she just straight up broke out the dance moves.

This past week we were in an ice cream shop and the song "Hey, Soul Sister" by Train (whom she LOVES) came on in the parlor. She nearly busted out of her stroller just to start dancing. My sisters and i LOVE to dance, so it's fun to see Emmalyn like it so much too :)

Here's some recent video footage taken of Emmalyn having a blast listening to and dancing along with songs played on my sister & brother-in-law's record player. We'll cut it on while we're cooking or hanging out and she'll just stand in front of it, without a care in the world and dance like no one's watching!

As we continue to adjust to a new and very different life in south AL, God's goodness and mercy is with us daily and He is continually teaching us, stretching us, and sharpening us for His name's sake. In studying how to become a woman of simplicity I am responding daily to every blessing, big and small, and the difference a continuous attitude of thankfulness makes in your life never ceases to amaze me. No matter your circumstance, constant meditation on His sacrifice and overwhelming grace restores the joy of our salvation and enables our spirit to press through the unknown!

The greatest security...

2011-05-04T13:05:00.003-07:00

Now that we're in week 5 of our transition, I can safely say that I think we're settling in. With the devastation that ripped through our hometown and state last week, I'm just thankful to have a home at all as well as the daily necessities that we often take for granted. As our church here was collecting relief items to send to victims last week, I was thinking about the word "settled" and reminded myself that it's exactly what I don't want to happen. As much as my flesh loves to feel safety & security I always want to be living for eternity, reflecting on the fact that this is not my home. I started thinking about how I would handle such devastation if it happened to our family immediately. I can't say that I'd be the spiritual giant who responds in praise. Sometimes, I think I love my safety more than His glory.

This week I was having a discussion with a friend about the passage of Eph. 1:15-23 and Paul's prayer for spiritual wisdom. We then got started on the subject of spiritual pride and how easy it is to allow it to creep into our lives. Then it hit me. That spiritual pride is the same thing that leaves me fearful of losing things here on earth. In the book Humility, Andrew Murray says that "we become prideful Christians when we are constantly asking the Lord to bless us." There must come a point when Christ alone is enough for us and we're readily willing to sacrifice for the sake of His name being exalted.

As I continue hearing heart breaking stories from back home, I pray that in humility we'll remember that whatever we had to begin with is because God chose in His mercy to bless us. Certainly, He doesn't long to bring grief to His children (Lamentations 3:33-34) but He does long for us to desire after Him and walk in total dependance in Him above all else. In Eph. 1:14-15 we're reminded the danger that lies in our ceasing to seek Him through serving others. It's easy to become comfortable where we are, thinking we have all we need. Humble service toward others is just evidence of thanksgiving in our salvation! I pray that's what's accomplished through all this tragedy and in the healing that's to come.

In his book Radical, David Platt says "Indeed, God will show us that our greatest security is not found in the comforts we can manufacture in this world but in the faithful provision of the only one who knows our needs and the only one who is able to meet our needs in every way."

Last week, Jeremy & I just tried to do all we could to find joy in the daily tasks while being prayerful. Here's a fun video of Emmalyn playing football with her daddy that I hope brings a smile and a reminder of what is most important!

TREAD on sex trafficking...

2011-04-26T20:54:00.000-07:00

Do you ever feel overwhelmed by the social injustices you see around you? I know that I do. Lately, through various avenues the Lord has been using to challenge our family's thinking, I've been spurred to do something... anything that will make a difference. Obviously, there's the practical things that I can commit to doing daily, which are so vital, but I wanted to do something that I knew was going to fight against a very specific unjustice and one that I've always been passionate about is human trafficking & sexual exploitation.

I found this organization through a singer/songwriter that I adore. Love 146 is a non profit group that focuses on teaching the US about trafficking and ways in which we can take action to help prevent it. Something they do every year is a virtual event called Tread on Trafficking. By signing up to run, swim, bike, walk, climb, dance, WHATEVER your heart desires, and garner sponsors to pledge/support you financially, you can help raise money for the cause. There's also some really cool prizes for teams & team members that raise the most money like an ipad & iPod touch.

You can set your own personal goal. If raising money intimidates you, like it does me, you can set a very attainable goal for yourself. Also, going out into your community to garner sponsors is a great way to share your faith/mission.

If you want to join my team and jog with me (and I WELCOME you to b/c i need accountability) then just visit this link to sign up. If you don't have time to dedicate to the tread, then you can easily make a one-time donation. As with so many of the world's injustices, i know that willful exploitation of His innocent children truly breaks the heart of God and I beg of Him that it break ours as well.

From Light to Dark

2011-04-25T12:37:00.001-07:00

Over at The Pastor's Wife Speaks today talking about now matter how great our darkness, it's never enough to overpower God's light! Praise be to Him. John 1:5

God WITH us

2011-04-11T09:30:00.000-07:00

Today I'm over at The Pastor's Wife Speaks, talking a bit about the HUGENESS of God choosing to dwell with us. He's our Immanuel and I'm so thankful He wants to "pitch tent" in my life.

Eat, pray, love & searching for contentment

2011-04-05T20:59:00.000-07:00

A few nights ago I found myself up at 1AM and not in the least bit tired. Why, I'm not sure because I'd been unpacking boxes all day, but honestly the Lord has just given me a crazy amount of energy lately (which is slowly but surely starting to dwindle!).

Eat, Pray, Love was premiering on TV so I decided to stay up and watch it. I didn't read the book but I had a general idea of what the premise was about. Aside from her journey to Italy making me super hungry, it made me really sad.

I'm all for self discovery & spiritual journey, experiencing new places and different cultures. These things are what interested me in watching it in the first place, but not the whole "live by your own rules" message that it sends. When someone is so desperately searching for happiness, contentment and peace that they hope will be waiting for them in their next big experience I feel a sense of loss. Especially when I know they can readily have that every second of every day in the arms of Christ. For all of Liz's enlightenment she still doesn't know what she believes. She leaves her husband b/c she longs to "marvel after something." Even if it's pizza in Naples. She sends her prayers out into the universe trusting in a random energy force and hoping they'll land somewhere... anywhere.

It really did break my heart for the millions that do the same daily. There's a reason we all have this longing within us. This desire to know and feel more of something beyond ourselves. God created this in us so that we might reach out to Him (Acts 24). The author of the book, Elizabeth Gilbert, did say something that I agreed with only I'm quite sure my answer would be much different than hers :) "At some point in our lives most of us are called to answer one question- 'what really are you here to do?'"

That's easy Elizabeth, we were simply put on this earth to glorify the Father. But, that's something that even the church & body of believers has lost sight of. It seems to do what feels right & what seems as the easy way out is what's encouraged. Even among Christians. Because why in the world would God want us to try to work out a marriage that we don't necessarily feel amazing in every day? Heaven forbid we allow Him enough time to turn things around by surrendering it to Him so that He can receive the glory.

I thought this interview video of Gilbert was interesting. She mentions that even at an early age she had questions of death and eternity and it appears no one ever helped her in seeking those answers. Which again... makes me sad.

Even if my journey never takes me to Italy or Bali, I am more than content with the peace and hope that I will have eternally in Christ Jesus. If my life brings Him glory... I have not missed out on anything!!

Two week notice

2011-03-23T14:41:00.000-07:00

So, these past two weeks have been somewhat of a whirlwind. I was wrapping up my job at the publishing house that I had resigned from over a month ago, while the Lord was crafting a big transition we had no clue of :) Now, here we are... 2 weeks later and packing up our house to move to south Alabama. I can't quite explain to you how overwhelmed we are by His faithfulness. We're just trying to obey as He guides each step. He never promised He'd show us our entire path, but that He would direct our steps.

First, let me preface. Nearly two years ago, we felt Him calling us to south AL, but in numerous ways He continually showed us that it wasn't His timing. In the beginning I'll be honest; we fought. We asked alot of questions. Eventually, He led us to a place of contentment in serving Him here while we waited for His timing to present itself. In that period, I honestly became quite comfortable. He placed us in a wonderful church where Jeremy was able to pour his heart into what he loves again. He provided a way for Emmalyn to stay home & be apart of a wonderful Mother's Day Out curriculum, all the while, growing & working in the relationships we had developed here. So, our stance? We'll still go, Lord. We promise we'll obey when you say "go." But, can you give us some kind of warning first? Some time to plan everything out in detail and think this all through would be nice :) Oh, no. This He did not allow because I'm convinced He knew my unbelieving heart would ask too many questions. So...He gave us 2 weeks.

God is always working for His glory in our lives at unexpected times and in unexpected ways and He has proven that to us numerous times recently. But then again, I'm reminded of the God we serve. The God that took on flesh and came to this earth as man, in the form of a baby in a stable nonetheless, and I ask myself am I really surprised? He did after all sacrifice everything just so we could know Him. So why would He not blow us away with His faithfulness and sovereignty? He reminded me of John 1:16 "From the fullness of grace you have received one blessing after another." Why would He not order our steps??

So, here we are. Three days before we leave & He has ordered everything before us. Yes, we still have questions but we are trusting wholeheartedly in a mighty God that has never given us a reason not to. I thought I'd share with you some fun video footage of Emmalyn who is so carefree in this entire process. As I packed up our kitchen today- my least favorite room to pack- I watched her and thought, "Oh, to be so worry free. She trusts that her Mom & Dad have everything under control, so she sits back & relaxes with a child like faith that pleases Him." Needless to say, she's 14 months old and isn't aware of what's going on, but, the illustration encouraged me to hold on to the hope my Father brings all the more.

I wanna be FAT

2011-03-09T20:07:00.000-08:00

Before I explain, let me just say that I never thought I'd say those words :) However; recently I have come to appreciate the acronym and thanks to a dear friend who spoke truth to me, I am praying He makes me FAT daily!

The Lord has led me to the Old Testament frequently over the past few months and it wasn't until a week ago that I realized why. In Exodus 14 the Israelites were super frustrated at Moses for taking them out of Egypt when the Egyptians were gaining on them. They could have just dug a nice grave there but instead, Moses wanted them to witness the power of the Almighty God and what His delivering hand could accomplish. Moses' repsonse was "Do not be afraid, stand firm, and see the deliverance that the Lord will accomplish for you today. The Lord will fight for you and you have only to keep still (Ex 14:10-22)."

Lately, He has been affirming that I can either trust the plans that I have with all my heart or trust Him. Not only do the best-laid plans often fall apart, but often enough the Lord prompts us to act without any plans in place and without any guarantee that everything will work out as it should.

Suppose the Israelites had insisted before they departed Egypt, that scouts send out an advance report back that the route was all clear, and the Red Sea parted and ready to go. They would've remained slaves. The water was only parted once they acted in faith and followed God. They couldn't count on any plans b/c God gave them none.

Recently, God has asked us to step out in faith and trust Him in something and my unbelieving heart is demanding an advance report. Even though He's already paved the way, removed obstacles and made it evident that He is fighting for us. Yet, my unbeliving heart still asks questions.

In a conversation with my dear friend Betsy, she reminded me that all we should aim for is to be FAT- Faithful, Available, and Teachable for the Kingdom. Am I content with knowing that He will take care of the rest? God, my Father IS the plan and as long as I make myself faithful, available, and teachable, He will handle the details :)

'Tis the gift to be simple

2011-02-23T12:59:00.000-08:00

I'm excited about what God is doing in our lives right now. Not just about what He's accomplishing, but what He's teaching us. Through a study I'm doing with some girlfriends, Becoming a Woman of Simplicity, my Father is reminding me of how much He longs for time with me. Actually, His jealousy for me makes me blush :) Knowing that His pursuit of me is His delight makes me all the more desperate for His presence.

In conversations that I often have with those I love I'm seeing that the demands of life leave everyone feeling that they have very little time to pour into what they love and value. Goodness... I have felt this way all too many times. A few weeks ago I even found myself comparing my busyness to another girlfriend's and thinking, "Wow, she sounds even busier than me. I must not be doing enough!" How decieving that is! It's not just the trivial that clutters our lives but the important as well! Paul reminded the Corinthians that just as a woman should have singleness of affection for her husband, so should Christians have a single-minded devotion to Christ.

Starting March 19th, my days will look a little different. Balancing so many roles in the midst of daily obligations has definitely made my devotion to Christ more challenging. Because the Lord, in all His sovereignty and faithfulness has allowed me to stay at home with Emmalyn and pour more time into her, my husband, family, and into ministry, my hope is that I will take steps toward making my devotion to Christ more consistent and that the extra time He allows will be used for His glory. Not that downsizing, decluttering, and saying "no" to everything is the only way to stay devoted to Christ. But, in learning this single-minded devotion I want to live life the way that GOD has planned for me. Not as Maegan has planned :)

This is a profoud quote from Donald S. Whitney that was included in my study. I'm ready to start eliminating those hindrances that keep me from knowing Him more.

"We simplify, not just to be less busy, even though we may be right to pursue that. Rather, we simplify to remove distractions from our pursuit of Christ. We prune activities from our lives, not only to get organized, but also that our devotion to Christ and service for His Kingdom will be more fruitful. We simplify, not merely to save time, but to eliminate hindrances to the time we devote to knowing Christ. All the reasons we simplify should eventually lead us to Jesus."

Tips & Tricks??

2011-02-17T11:29:00.000-08:00

I didn't imagine I'd be fighting this issue so soon, but alas, sweet Emmalyn is not wanting to eat her veggies. Yogurt? Yes. Puffs? Absolutely. Gold fish? Most definitely. Fruit? You bet. Sweet Potatoes? Yes ma'am. Vegetables? Forget it.

She's been sick for the past two weeks and in that time she really lost her appetite in general. She didn't even have a taste for the things she normally loves. So naturally, we didn't force anything on her at that time. Whatever she willingly ate, we were glad for. Now that the sickness has passed, it's time to get back up to food pyramid standards! Recently, sneaky Jeremy even found himself putting her veggies in a yogurt cup so that she thinks it's yogurt. She knows what the yogurt container is b/c it has a baby on the front and she affectionally says "baby!" everytime you open the refrigerator door :)

SO... at the advice of a friend and fellow mommy blogger I purchased Deceptively Delicious yesterday. We'll see what kind of suggestions it brings to the table. If any of you have read it or exhausted this option, I'd love to know your thoughts!

I'm trying not to jump on the battleship too soon b/c it could still be that her appetite hasn't quite bounced back. But all of a sudden, foods she never had a problem with she's rejecting. I have a feeling we should figure out something soon b/c my child's going to turn into a giant sweet potatoe.

What the world needs now is love... and a little Minnie Mouse :)

2011-02-15T13:09:00.000-08:00

I've never been big on celebrating Valentine's Day. My sinicism settles in this time of year and I feel like it's just another way our culture likes to capitalize on commericalizing something to make money. BUT, I do love that it provides a fun excuse to celebrate the ones you love in a special way. I hope i'm not sounding harsh... just hasn't ever been that big of a deal to me. I usually tell the hubbins not to get me anything. A simple love note will do. Our first year of marriage we made eachother a card (which i still have). The homemade crafts are so fun & special (even if you're not crafty and I am NOT, i assure you)!

So, Monday Emmalyn and I made a craft for Daddy, complete with Minnie Mouse stickers, glittery hearts, crayons, and hand smudges. And because Emmalyn was completely immersed in her Minnie Mouse valentine's book that her Gigi bought her, she wore her minnie ears the ENTIRE day.

Absolutely refused to take them off. Even when it naptime and I went to lay her down she cried as I explained to her why the ears could be a choking hazzard! How can you resist a minnie this adorable?

And despite my request, my sweet man brought home a single red rose. As I was clipping the stem, my finger grazed across the thorn and the spirit gently reminded me of the thorns my Savior bore all in the name of love & glory. So, I had to smile b/c even in the midst of my senicism, the meaning of TRUE love spoke loudly :)

In Love Photo Challenge

2011-02-09T13:23:00.000-08:00

I'm by NO means a photographer, but I thought it'd be fun to take part in this little challenge all in the name of love :) Brainchild of a blogger that i've come to love, Jhen Stark, the "In Love" photo challenge inspires creativity, expression, and beauty therefore, I'm in! Fortunately, the photo has nothing to do with quality but all about the emotion behind it.

I'm in love with this photo for so many reasons. First, I can't believe that just 12 months ago, my baby girl looked this tiny! I remember so many things about this day. I remember falling in love with my husband all over again as I watched him play with our new baby girl. Seeing him so in love with her reminded me in so many ways why I fell in love with him :)

And... for OBVIOUS reasons, I'm in love with our sweet Emmalyn even moreso today then when this picture was taken at only 3 weeks old. In loving her, I've come to learn so much about our Father's love for us as this picture reminds me of His mercy toward you and I. In so many ways, I'm still like an infant, needing to be held close by my Father, depending more and more on His love for me daily.

Take part in the photo challenge if you'd like! Jhen will pick a photo and blog to feature at From Here to Eternity. In the meantime, enjoy celebrating the ones you love as we approach Valentine's Day!

Its fun being ONE!

2011-01-27T07:35:00.000-08:00

I think I've stated that every stage so far has been my favorite, and not to be redundant, but seriously... the beginnings of the toddler stage is SO fun. Emmalyn is learning more and growing everyday and as her little personality forms, the more Jeremy & I see glimpses of us both which is astounding. The Lord's careful craftmanship in each of His children is mind boggling.

So, right now Emmalyn LOVES Dora. Dora & Minnie Mouse are definitely her favorites. For her birthday, she got a Dora play tent & inflatable ball pit. She's gotten quite brave in the way she just dives into them both!

Standing on my own! Taking small steps at a time but still a little hesitate to walk long distances w/out mommy or daddy by my side.

She loves to pretend talk on the phone. And everything is a phone... a brush, a cup, whatever :)

So much fun!

Ah, Simplicity

2011-01-21T12:56:00.000-08:00

Simplicity has been a reoccuring theme in our lives lately. I can't really explain why, but the Lord has definitely made it evident through various situations. I love it when His clarity works so obviously through people and circumstances; but then when I'm not sure what the connection is or what He's trying to teach me, I can be left kind of puzzled.

Recently, a friend of mine and I started a study together called Becoming a Woman of Simplicity. In just 1 week in, I'm amazed at how NOT simple my life is; how amazingly cluttered it's become and I've made it that way. The verse which is the premesis, if you will, of the study is 2 Cor. 11:3~ I am afraid that, as the serpent deceived Eve with his craftiness, your minds will be led astray from the simplicity and purity of devotion to Christ.

Believing that simplicity isn't just a way of life, but comes from within, God is showing me that I must at rest, free, and willing to trust. Then and only then can I confront the recurrent challenges of life that sometimes make me want to lock myself in a closet. In a world full of too many activities, people, and things our lives are lived all too quickly and we find ourselves realizing that they lack a quality of significance because of so little empty space. The "too many" (even if worthy and valuable) has the dangerous potential of leading us away from the one thing that is most vital- our devotion to Christ.

In having all of this become more real recently, I've realized one thing about myself that hinders me from achieving this life of simplicity. I fear failing others and failing my daily tasks more than I fear failing Him.

Recently, Emmalyn has started taking small steps on her own. She doesn't walk very far, but she plunges ahead in what she's confident she can accomplish knowing all the while we'll be there to catch her when she falls. My lack of obedience in trusting Him wholeheartedly is what most often prevents me from achieving that life of simplicity He longs for. This morning, as I read Deut. 33:27~ The eternal God is your refuge and underneath are the everlasting arms... I was reminded, "So what if you fail, you serve an eternal God who's promise to carry you is everlasting. He's always before you, beckoning you on, one step at a time."

So, like my daughter, I'm taking small steps, one day at a time toward a life more simple and purely devoted to my King.

My Emme is ONE!

2011-01-18T14:00:00.000-08:00

I can hardly believe it. This past weekend we celebrated Emmalyn's first birthday, which was actually Monday, the 17th, and even while surrounded by Minnie Mouse decor, birthday cakes, and signs that said "First Birthday Girl" it didn't seem possible that we were at this point already.

There are some moments that seem like a blur (such as those first 3 sleepless weeks home from the hospital!) and then there are some that seem like they vanished all too soon for me to even really bask in them! Regardless, this first year of Emmalyn's life has been a joy, adventure, and absolute blessing to us! It's so funny how much your life changes after a child comes into it, but then once they're here you can't even begin to imagine what life would be like without them.

One thing Jeremy & I resolved ourselves to after this birthday celebration was to have things simplified in the years to come! It's SO easy to get carried away and we found ourselves doing so on more than one occassion. The first IS a big celebration, but the 2nd, 3rd, and 4th, we'll settle for a fun little something a day adventure of her choosing :) After all, your options are pretty slim in the dead of winter!

We had around 22 or so people to celebrate with us at our church, which ended up being the perfect setting for several reasons. Emmalyn adores Minnie Mouse right now and knew from the start that would be her theme :) With the most adorable cake you've ever seen, her own personal set of Minnie Mouse ears, birthday girl sash, and air walker Minnie balloon, the stage was set for an unforgettable first birthday celebration! With each surprise- cake, a live appearance from Minnie herself, and presents, Emmalyn's facial expressions were the highlight of the party. She is becoming more and more animated with each passing day. We are having so much fun just watching her little personality develop & blossom!

I made a 50 minute video of various clips from Emmalyn's birth up until now that looped during the party. It was special to rejoice together in how God has grown our precious girl in just a year's time. A dear friend of mine suggested that I start writing Emmalyn letters each year on her birthday and then give them to her for her sweet 16. So, I wrote my first one and sealed it in her baby book. My hope is that one day, she'll read it & know how loved she was right from the very beginning. To think that the Lord has entrusted us with her life is humbling. So, to have these celebrations honor Him is important to us.

Even though turning 1 is a big milestone for her, Jeremy & I were discussing just last night at how much there is to look forward to! Walking/running, complete sentences, first day of school, dance classes, teaching her how to swim, and the list goes on and on... :) That we anticipate most is teaching her about Jesus and how much she is loved by Him!

Her adorable Minnie cake

Holy Moley, Minnie DID come to my party!

On her actual birthday she did decide to dig into her cake just a little

Because of Beauty: The Waiting Room

2011-01-11T13:33:00.000-08:00

I can't believe it's been nearly a month since I've updated my blog. It makes me feel like I haven't done something vital like taking a shower or brushing my teeth :) But, life has just been crazy lately and that's all there is to it. I promise I've been journaling some fun things to share and have oodles of Christmas video clips of our little Emmalyn that will make you laugh, cry, and just sigh :)

But, in the meantime, I wanted to share a post that I wrote today for a dear friend of mine, Stephanie. She has a wonderfully fabulous blog called Because of Beauty, where she offers encouraging biblical insight mixed with a little fashion and every day girly topics. LOVE!!

She's doing a series right now called The Waiting Room that gathers perspectives of both single and married women on what Christ centered relationships look like and how God wants to use singleness for His glory. I've been following along and have been so blessed to read women's thoughts on how they long to use their period of singleness to draw close to the heart of God and committ themselves to service; all the while wishing I could just sit in a room with all of these girls and chat over tea :)

So, here's my post today on making love a choice; an act of will and not emotion. Hoping your New Year is off to a refreshing start as you look ahead in the eternal promises of Christ!

Radical series: final post- The Radical Experiment

2010-12-13T18:54:00.000-08:00

I'm kind of sad as I write this last post of the Living Radically series that we started a few months ago. I kind of took my time with this because there was so much to digest within the last 2 chapters. I journaled & prayed my way through a lot of it and didn't want to discount the summary by any means. My meager synopsis won't do it justice, so if you've been following along but haven't had a chance to read the book yet, please don't miss out! You will be challenged and stretched, but blessed, nonetheless.

In the last chapter of Radical, David Platt encourages each of us to take on The Radical Experiment.

Here's the challenge:

Once you finish reading the book, commit to

1) Pray for the entire world.
2) Read through the entire Word.
3) Commit your life to multiplying community.
4) Sacrifice your money for a specific purpose.
5) Give your time in another context.

Pretty easy, right?

Um, no.

Here are some things that I had to come face to face with when considering the experiment that I can imagine others might bump into as well:

1) My own laziness about reading through the Word & praying for the world. It's never easy to admit but it is what it is. Either I'm too tired at the end of (or beginning for that matter) the day to put forth the effort He's more than worthy of, into not just reading, but studying His Word. Bite sized portions often seem to be good enough when He deserves SO much more. I loved what Platt had to say about God's Word in this last chapter: When you or I open the Bible, we are beholding the very words of God–words that have supernatural power to redeem, renew, refresh, and restore our lives to what he created them to be (192).

“When Jesus looked at the harassed and helpless multitudes,” Platt says, “apparently his concern was not that the lost would not come to the Father. Instead his concern was that his followers would not go to the lost.” (p. 187) Why have a billion people still not heard the gospel? Because we’re not praying.

2) My selfishness concerning my schedule and my time (notice the continuous referral of "my, my, my"). Between being a wife, a mom, having a full time career, church, family, friends, etc... Giving my time in another context sounds so daunting. But, through this last chapter He reminded me that it's not how much time I give, but what I make of that time & is it used to further His Kingdom & make a lasting impact?

“I am convinced that when we open up our lives to the global purpose of God, he will show us things we have never seen and take us places we have never been before” (p. 203). So good!

3) How can my husband and I sacrificially give? Like, give until it really hurts. We'll continually pray through that as the Lord prepares our hearts. We have been there time and time again and seen far too much evidence of His faithfulness for there to be any room for fear.

"Think of all the possessions you have now that you would realize you do not need, and think of all the dire needs that would be met as a result of your sacrifice of them. Wonder about where God might lead you–near or far, to a reached people or maybe to an unreached people who have never heard the gospel until they meet you (p. 213)."

The Radical Experiment website has several helpful tools for helping you with some of these charges such as reading through the Bible in a year and praying for the entire world daily. As with any challenge I find myself entering it with premeditated caution. "Will I really see this through?" In knowing I can do all things through Him, I am taking it day by day, step by step :)

Little Milestones

2010-12-03T07:19:00.000-08:00

Lately I've found myself blown away everytime I look at my daughter. We can't believe she's growing so quickly and that this first year of her life has almost passed us. In January she'll be 12 months and I can hardly wait to watch her develop even more than she already has. We have a digital photo frame at home that rotates of pictures taken mostly of Emmalyn with various family & friends over this past year and I probably cry at least once a day when I see her newborn pictures and then look at her today. I know that all too soon I'll be dropping her off at her first day of school and taking her to get her driver's license. I don't even want to think about what kind of emotional state I'll be in then :)

Recently she's learned to say dog, largely due to my younger sister Natalie and her miniature dachshund, Lady. In being around Lady and my aunt and uncle's new Lap puppy, Lola, over the Thanksgiving holiday, we were continally saying "dog, woof, woof!" So naturally, she just picked up on it and started saying it. When we came home from the Thanksgiving holiday Emmalyn was playing in the floor one evening with a book (she LOVES books) that had a picture of dog on the cover. She pointed directly at the dog and said, "Dog. Woof, Woof!" I screamed so loudly out of excitement it scared her and she started crying! So of course, we've been trying to get her to say it continuously ever since. I love that she's nailing down certain words like "Mama, Dada, Dog, Bye bye, and Way Way" (after Rae, Rae my sister!) so soon. We can't wait to see what's next!

The Pastor's Wife Speaks

2010-11-22T08:30:00.000-08:00

Twice a month, I am a guest blogger for a ministry website called The Pastor's Wife Speaks. It was started by a fiction author of mine who wrote a book last spring called The Pastor's Wife. Once the novel released, she wanted to take things a step further and offer a safe haven online for women who are in the front lines of ministry each day, serving alongside their man :) If you're a PW, you know all that this entales!

There are several excellent contributors who offer encouragement and words of wisdom through their experiences and scripture, but there's also wonderful devotions & thoughts centered around what it looks like to serve in any role as a woman in general.

I encourage you to check it out for some daily refreshment if you need it! And I'm providing today's devotion as well: He Knows We Can't do it All!

Enjoy!

Radical, post 3: Worship with our Eyes Wide Open

2010-11-08T11:27:00.001-08:00

Okay, so I'm not necessarily through digesting chapters 4 & 5. I've read them, but there are still yet so many things I'm processing and praying over. These specifically tackle the bold words that Platt uses about counting the cost and pursuing something better and riskier than the “good life.”

Since I'm not fully prepared to go through these chapters in their entirety yet, I wanted to pose a few questions that have been placed on my heart while reading through this section in hopes to somewhat resolve them at the same time. The Lord made some clarifications as I was even thinking this through that I'm grateful for! Hopefully, if you've had some of the same lingering thoughts, this will help us both. And if you have thoughts around these questions please email me or leave a comment! I welcome healthy debate and discussion :)

Premises of these few chapters- We are not the center of the Gospel, GOD IS. While we often make ourselves the center, it's not too far fetched to live outside of ourselves and strive for holiness. It's really not.

Platt reminds us that “God loves me so that I might make him–his ways, his salvation, his glory, and his greatness–known among the nations” (70-71); What should be our chief end in life. I’m so thankful that he addresses the question, “Why do we need to be involved in other nations when there are so many needs in our nation?” And I’m glad that he exposed the question for what it is: a smoke screen. This is a constant struggle for most followers of Christ...speaking for myself mostly. It's easier to have the perspective that we can't do anything to make a significant impact or solve global issues than it is to actually take steps of action towards it. In actuality, God didn't offer it up as an option. Christians must make it a priority to reach those who have never heard.

Here's one of the lingering concerns I continually face. We can and should do good with our giving.But, we must not lead people to believe that most of human suffering would be alleviated if we simply gave more- financially. While monetary gifts are such a blessing, Christ challenged the church to be good stewards of our time and gifts as well. He wants us to be his hands and feet. So, then how do you wrestle with the constant low-level guilt because we could be doing more? When it comes to the pressing needs of the world, I feel overwhelmed.

But in thinking about what Platt says a little deeper I was reminded that the whole world wasn’t rebuked for neglecting the man on the Jericho road, but the priest and Levite were (Luke 10:29-37). We do have more responsibility for those suffering at our back door and for the needs of our family verses the needs of the world(Gal. 6:10 & 1 Tim. 5:8). So, that's where we start. I have to keep this in perspective sometimies and I was thankful for the questions Platt raised that spurred me to study this deeper in scripture.

In a week, I'll post more topics of dicussion covered in chapter 5, but there was so much enveloping my mind around this one issue that I wanted to talk it through. I'll leave you with a music video from one of my favorite songs that's currently released, "Keep Changing the World." Very appropriate...

Watch my new trick!

2010-11-04T10:14:00.000-07:00

Emmalyn astounds us daily with the things she picks up. Recently, she's started shaking her head "no" and we have NO clue where she got that from. We never shake our head at her when we're telling her to not do something. We just verbalize it.

Last week, Jeremy discovered that she'd found out that if she shakes her hand across her lips while coo-ing, that it makes a funny sound. So, now it's her new trick and she's doing it constantly! If we're busy doing something and not paying direct attention to her, she'll start doing it as if to say, Hey, over here! I'm fully convinced that the full dialog going on in her head is probably the same I had as a baby :)

Nonetheless, we're having fun with her daily discoveries and new tricks!

Radical series- post 2: Radical Revelation

2010-10-26T18:55:00.000-07:00

What is it about God's Word that creates a hunger to hear more? In chapters two & three questions like this led me to step back and look at the foundations of the gospel. Essentially, the gospel is the revelation of who God is, who we are, and how we can be reconciled to Him.

In the first chapter Platt really focuses on our dangerous tendency to misunderstand, minimize and "manipulate the gospel in order to accommodate our assumptions and desires." As a result, he explores how much of our understanding of the gospel is American and how much is biblical.

One thing I'm thankful for is my reformed Presbyterian background. Something great that came out of that was my study of the Westminster Catechisms of Faith which tout that the gospel reveals the glory of God and IS the glory of God. They teach that man's chief end is to glorify God and enjoy Him forever... this i love :) But where we find God's love we also find God's wrath and if we stop and truly look at God in his Word, we just may discover that he cultivates greater awe and demands deeper worship that we're ready to give. This is the revelation of who He is. And in the revelation of who He is, we see who we are... prone to wander and desperately in need of a Savior.

Platt mentions that Genesis 8:21 says that "every inclination of man's heart is evil from childhood." Jesus' words in Luke 11:13 assume that we know we're evil. Have you ever heard someone say "Well, I think I've always loved God?" In actuality, no one has. In our evil we rebel against God. Scripture actually says that we are born "enemies of the cross." Sounds harsh, but it's what makes the gospel that much more astounding. In chapter three, Platt makes a profound point- "Everything in creation responds in obedience to the creator...until we get to you and me. We have the audacity to look God in the face and say No." Unbelievable.

Christian artist Ronnie Freeman wrote a song several years ago that says The only thing that's good in me is Jesus. The gospel in a 4 minute melody. Naturally, we don't like it when we see the reality of our hopeless sinful condition in the gospel, so we shrink away from it... instead, it's much easier just to modify what the gospel says about us.

Personally, I feel the beauty of the gospel is that God comes to us and there's absolutely nothing we can do to come to Him. I'm awed that we serve a God who pursues us with such mercy!

How has your understanding of who God is and who we are affected your realization of why we need Him?

Radical Series, Post 1: Radical Abandonment

2010-10-16T19:44:00.000-07:00

Several months ago when my husband picked up this book, I had just finished reading Crazy Love by Francis Chan. While he explained the overall premises of the message i thought to myself, “Okay, I seriously don’t know if I can handle another radically challenging book that beckons me to go deeper.” Carnal, I know. But it’s the truth. As the ever growing stack of parenting & self improvement books on my nightstand stared me down, I realized that I can’t be the wife, mother, daughter, sister, friend, and disciple that God wants me to be until I abandon all else for His name’s sake. He's worth it. So, I picked up Radical and began my journey.

In the first chapter David Platt touches on what radical abandonment to Jesus really means. Christians in the American church have taken to values and ideas that may seem harmless but are actually unbiblical and contradictory to what the gospel we claim to believe says. The message of radical challenges us to continue living the kind of Christian life of success that is defined by the culture around us or take an honest look at the Jesus of the Bible and dare to really obey Him.

So, if Jesus really is who he says he is and his promises are as rewarding as Scripture claims then what kind of satisfaction does radical abandonment really offer? At the end of the 9th chapter of Luke you’ll see a story about 3 men who came to Jesus, very eager to follow him. Oddly, Jesus seems to be talking them out of doing so. When the 3rd man approaches him he told Jesus before he follows him he wants to say “goodbye” to his family. Jesus wouldn’t let him and tells him, “No one who puts his hand to the plow and looks back is fit for service in the kingdom of God.” Translation: a relationship with Jesus means absolute surrender and total devotion. He was simply trying to make it clear from the beginning that if we follow him, we abandon everything- our needs, our desires, even our family.

His simple call in Matthew 4 to his disciples “follow me” also carried radical implications for their lives. Jesus was calling them to leave their comforts and all that was familiar to them. Platt says, “They were leaving certainty for uncertainty, safety for danger, self-preservation for self-denunciation. In a world that prizes promotiong oneself, they were following a teacher who told them to crucify themselves. And history tells us the result. Almost all of them would lose their lives because they responded to his invitation.” (ch. 1, pg. 12)

The truth is, with the best of intentions, we’ve taken the Jesus of the Scriptures and made him someone we’re more comfortable with. We’ve turned him into, well… us. After all, a Jesus who expects us to forsake our closest relationships so that he receives all of our affection is not a very “comfortable” Jesus. No, the Jesus we’re looking to serve is one who brings us prosperity, comfort and success as we live out our Christian version of the American dream. Honestly, this hit me hard within the first few chapters of the book because so often this is my perspective. And shockingly so because I KNOW that He is so much better than anything I could experience here on earth anyway. I know this b/c I have tasted and seen that he is good. I have experienced him and have been in the place where his love is better than life. So then why do I settle?

Several years ago, one of my favorite Christian artists Shane & Shane wrote a song titled I Miss You and it says:
Put down your paper plate, come to the table made, deep blue china found on the table by the wine, so fine. Oh, I miss You so, the feel of forever. Oh, that taste i know it hurts to remember. Unfortunately high, ironically dissatisfied, I miss You.

For whatever reason, I’m satisfied with fast food when I’ve been given an invitation to sit & dine at the table with the King of Kings and Lord of Lords.

Do we really believe that Jesus is worth abandoning everything for? Do we really believe that He is so satisfying, and so fulfilling that we will leave all that we have, all we own, and all we are in order to find ourselves in Him? Let us be full of Him, so that we can fully give.

Lindsey & Jared's Wedding Weekend

2010-10-12T09:11:00.000-07:00

It’s so crazy how you plan vigorously for one day that comes and goes so quickly. Though it’s only been close to 5 years ago, I guess I soon forgot the small and intricate details that go into the wedding weekend events. So much anticipation and in the blink of an eye… it’s over.

Watching my little sister, who once called me “Mae-gie,” prepare for her special day and walk down the isle as the most breathtaking bride I’ve ever seen was more special that words can describe. Seeing my youngest sister, Natalie, step up beside her best friend (they’re only 13 months apart & attached in more ways than one) emotionally, but also with ready hands to help serve & support her was precious. I watched as Natalie helped Lindsey step into her wedding gown thinking, “When did we all grow up??” There were times I felt more emotional than my Mom, who handled herself so gracefully & calmly! Again, acting as a rock for her girls to lean on.

The weekend’s events started with a fun time of hanging out with some friends of the wedding party at a Latin American fusion place called “Cocina Superior” in Homewood, AL. Everything took place in Homewood, which is where Jeremy & I lived our first year of marriage, so several things were reminiscent for us, which was fun. Friday morning, the bridesmaids gathered at The Club, which is a country club on top of Red Mountain in Birmingham, with an amazing view of the city. The weather was gorgeous, the food was outstanding, and Lindsey’s hostess Mrs. Linda Shelton, went above and beyond in making every part of special. While the girls did girly things, the guys did, well… guy things! They went skeet shooting in Bibb County and ate barbeque! Here’s some moments captured from the bridal luncheon on Friday…

The Club

Friday evening was the rehearsal at Reid Chapel at Samford University, followed by the rehearsal dinner at Crossroads Baptist Church, where Jared’s dad is the senior pastor. Jared’s mom, Carol, is just a phenomenal woman. Being a pastor’s wife, she just has the gift of hospitality. She’s one of those that just makes things happen and in any given amount of time she can make it fabulous :) This dinner was no exception. They took a building a part of their church campus and turned it into a warm, intimate, funky coffee shop setting which is so Lindsey & Jared. Carol had taken pictures of Jared & Lindsey, the wedding party, friends, and family and aligned the perimeters of the room with photos hanging by clothes pins. There was a coffee station with fun antique tea sets for people to have coffee after dessert. The food was amazing. Dessert consisted of tiramisu, New York style cheesecake, and key lime cake- not pie- cake. It was to die for.
There was also a “lounging” area set up for people to sit and write notes to Jared & Lindsey which they will read on their 1 year anniversary while enjoying their wedding cake topper!

The bride & groom taking it all in!

Trying to write some words of wisdom for them to read on their 1st anniversary!

Key Lime Cake... simply amazing!

Carol also had a great idea to set up a photo booth where they had a professional photographer taking pictures of guests wearing feather boas, funny hats, glasses, & creating the traditional “photo booth” experience.

The night ended with the guys spending the night together at one of the groomsmen’s house and the girls staying at my parents’ house helping Lindsey pack for her honeymoon and just doing what girls do best… talk!

That next morning went surprisingly smoothly. Emmalyn napped all morning, which was an answered prayer, while we all got our hair and make-up ready and helped Lindsey prepare herself as well. It was a gorgeous day, with the perfect fall breeze in the air. Just enough to keep you cool, but not too much to mess up your hair ;) Upon arriving at the chapel our breath was taken away by the floral arrangements at the chapel entrance and in the chapel hall itself. Lindsey’s taste is elegant and simple and everything about the ceremony décor was reflecting of her personality. Green hydrangeas, ivory roses, and ivory satin woven in black rot iron were just enough to give the chapel hall a touch of elegance.

Her beautiful bouquet, topped off with our great grandmother's broach for a vintage look.

The ceremony was officiated by Bro. Jimmy Bradford (Jared’s dad) and Jared’s chaplain/mentor while playing baseball at LSU. Having someone so close to their relationship & to them both personally added so much beauty to the message and of course, emotion, as Jared’s dad fought back the tears all the while.

Lindsey had asked me to sing 3 songs- Before the Throne, Be Thou My Vision, and Man and Wife. The accompanist, Hunter Goff, is amazingly talented and traditional and classic pieces such as Jesu Joy of Man’s Desiring, Handel’s Water Movement, and the Hallelujah Chorus were played on the chapel organ which is enough to make the flood gates of heaven open and angels come down singing :)

Have you ever seen the movie 27 Dresses with Katherine Heigel? In the movie she states that her favorite part of a wedding is to watch the look on the groom’s face as he sees his bride-to-be walk down the isle. This is my favorite part also and watching Jared’s face was the highlight of the ceremony to me. His eyes immediately welled up with tears and his bottom lip quivered uncontrollably. When the chapel doors flew open I thought his heart would stop beating. You could see such a surge of emotions racing across his face- ranging from excitement, to overwhelmed, to amazement, to humility. And Lindsey seemed to glide across the isle rather than walk. Grinning from ear to ear, she had such a confidence on her face that screamed, “I know I’m marrying the man God has ordained me to be with & all is right with the world at this moment.” Our prayer as a family is that God would be glorified through their union and through what was done in the service and I truly think His heart was blessed.

In the words of Shelby from Steel Magnolias… “My reception, my reception…!!!!” Held at Rosewood Hall in Soho Square of downtown Homewood, the reception was the perfect mix of casual contemporary and traditional. When you entered the main doors there was a table set up with engagement pictures of Lindsey & Jared. One being a 24 x 36 poster size framed picture that took your breath away. They seriously looked like they could be in an Anthropology catalog. Old wedding pictures of Jimmy & Carol, and my Mom & Dad surrounded them. They gave away a mixed CD of their favorite songs (some from the ceremony & reception) as favors, which I thought was a great idea.

The food was outstanding. Everything from boiled shrimp and chicken alfredo, to stuffed crab cakes and a potato bar. Though I didn’t get a chance to enjoy much of it, left over’s are sitting in my fridge at home. Any of my Nashville friends who’d like to come over for dinner, just give me a call... seriously.

Jared & Lindsey’s song is “You are the Best Thing” by Ray Lamontagne, which was their first dance. My Dad and Lindsey danced to “My Girl.” And Jared and his mom danced to “Take Me Out to the Ballgame!” The brides & grooms cake was delicious, both with hints of Lindsey & Jared’s personality. I liked the way they introduced the wedding party- one by one, giving their relationship to the bride and groom. It was fun to enter as a family with Emmalyn on our hip, Minnie Mouse in hand b/c Emmalyn was NOT letting her go.

People danced until their feet could no longer stand it, and Lindsey & Jared drove away in an old antique car snuggled in the back totally immersed in one another! It was very cinematic. From there they headed to a romantic suite at the Tutwiler Hotel in downtown Birmingham and boarded their flight to St. Lucia early the next morning. They’re staying at the same St. Lucian resort that Jeremy and I spent our honeymoon at and I can personally attest, it’s a little piece of paradise :)

I know this is a long and detailed post, but several family members and friends who were unable to make the wedding requested that I post details and pictures. Know that you were missed but your love and support for the bride and groom was felt and received. Lindsey & Jared, we’re so thankful that God chose such a dynamic couple to advance His Kingdom together and we look forward to seeing Him do great things through you in the years to come. To God be the glory…

Yo Baby

2010-10-01T08:03:00.000-07:00

We've had so much fun watching Emmalyn discover new things and her reaction to them. I've tried to post as many "firsts" as possible although I must admit I haven't been as diligent at recording those as I assumed I would. Life is just busy! But, our Flip cam has been a life saver. I'm not much of a scrabbooker so for me, this blog sometimes serves as a digital scrapbook, so to speak :)

Emmalyn turned 8 months old two weeks ago. As hard as this is to believe, it also seems in ways as if she's been apart of our lives for much longer. She's waving "bye-bye," saying "Mama & Dada," standing (almost) on her own, and on her way to taking off any day now. With each little milestone we praise God for her while asking Him to give us the wisdom to raise her in His glory!

I posted a video last week of her new found love of bread. She's also become a fan of organic yogurt. A friend of mine from church told me about a yogurt for babies that Stoneyfield makes called "Yo Baby." Yogurt is full of bacteria fighting antioxidants so I thought, "why not!" She loves it. Banana flavored, specifically. Initially it was just considered as a fun treat but then her pediatrician said "why not give her some every day?" So, she looks forward to yogurt time daily! As we introduce things to her that will be healthy and good for her long term I'm reminded how dependent she is on us to make good decisions for her! The breadsticks... she may not thank me for one day, but the yogurt, bring it on :)

Living radically: What the gospel demands

2010-09-27T14:13:00.000-07:00

Starting in a few weeks, I'll be doing a series on David Platt's book Radical: Taking back your faith from the American dream. This series will be featured on a few other blogs I write for as well, but if you check in frequently there will be a post here at least once a week on this subject and the various topics that are approached in the book. I'm reading it now and God is flipping my world upside down... in a good way. In a needed way.

So, if you'd like to read with me, please do! Or, if you'd just like to discuss and read the thoughts that will be housed here please do that as well. The ultimate goal will be for us to be challenged in our mindset of the gospel-- for us to consider with an open heart how we've manipulated a Christ centered gospel to fit our own self centered preferences. David Platt's conviction and passion will definitely spur you to living in a way that is filled with truth, this I can attest!

Bread anyone?

2010-09-22T12:32:00.000-07:00

Emmalyn has shocked us lately with her bravery. She'll dive right out of your lap straight into the floor if she has her eye set on something she wants. She grabs things right out of our hands and most of the time, it's something she can't have and so she's already learning the word "No!" Most recently, she's become rather brave with food, testing and trying out new things. Last weekend we were at the Olive Garden while my Mom was in town for a quick visit and she picked up a breadstick. It was all over at that point. She's discovered bread and she loves it. She doesn't necessarily chew it. She just sort of takes small bites until it gets all soggy and then she swallows :) Which is good because it helps her to learn and familiarize herself with solids, but Jeremy and I were just kind of taken back by how much she loves it.

Yesterday I shot a quick video of her eating a breadstick while watching Dora. You can see the pure satisfaction on her face. I told her to enjoy eating all the carbs she wants now because one day she'll be telling herself to stay away from the breadsticks :)

Memories as we go

2010-09-16T19:29:00.000-07:00

Labor Day weekend my family came up to Nashville to visit. It's harder for us to make the trip south these days so my family is gracious to come visit as much as possible. Labor Day weekend was special because both of my sisters were here simultaneously (which is a rarity) and we had the entire gang, minus the soon-to-be brother in law, Jared :)

My sister Lindsey is getting married in 3 weeks, so this was technically our last time together before she becomes a "Bradford." My sisters and I share a uniquely special relationship and while it changes with each new chapter, there's also little things that will always remain the same.

In a weekend filled with antique shopping, picnicing at a wine vineyard, grilling out, touring historic downtown streets, Alabama football with my cousins, aunt, uncle, and grandma, and being entertained by Emmalyn, we certainly created memories that are forever engraved on my heart. To say that I'm thankful for my family is probably an understatement because they bring so much joy to our lives!

What have you found works well to stay connected to family throughout life changes & different seasons?

Natalie & her beau, Christopher. Sweetest couple I know!

We discovered that weekend that Emmalyn loves celery sticks. Partly because she's teething right now, but she seemed to think they were pretty yummy!

Pure excitement when she's with her Gigi!

Emmalyn loved spending some quality time with her aunt Lu!

All decked out in true Alabama fan apparel for her first official AL football game, compliments of aunt Julie!

Trying her best to crawl!

Blogging with a Purpose...

2010-09-09T13:40:00.000-07:00

I love to see blogs that have a purpose, or mission if you will. One of my authors released a book last spring called The Pastor's Wife. It's an inspiring, yet very real story about a woman who leaves her husband because she feels like "the other woman" in her marriage, next to the church. A feeling that most women wouldn't voice, though I'd assume several have probably felt at one time or another.

Jennifer (the author) wanted to take the idea of the character in her novel a step further and create a safe haven for pastor's wives... an online community, if you will, that supports, encourages, and sharpens one another through stories of our own faith experiences and spiritual lessons. I've had the honor of contributing to the blog on a regular basis and being a small part of this ministry that Jennifer has allowed the Lord to form. I've enjoyed watching God just kind of do His thing as women converse with and encourage one another.

I'm reminded as I visit The Pastor's Wife Speaks that I long for my blog to have the same missional goal and I hope as you visit, you're encouraged in truth and sharpened in your faith!

Yesterday's post come from me, if you're interested in reading here! Be blessed :) WoundsCanChangeYourHeart

It's my new thing...

2010-09-03T08:51:00.000-07:00

I find it sort of hilarious how we (just as human beings in general) get on "kicks." It could be with certain phrases we use, or a trend of some sort whether it be clothes, music, food, beverage, etc. Well, evidently babies do the same and with Emmalyn lately its been sticking out her tongue. Jeremy and I have found that it mostly happens when she's excited or happy, but it's become so frequent that when others see it they just burst out into laughter. It's very purposeful, which i think is adorable :)

When I see little glimpses of her personality in these things it reminds of our creator's billiance in that He crafts each of us so uniquely! She's her own little person already and it's fun to watch!

Dancing with her Gdaddy. Again, excited = time to stick out the tongue

She gets uber enthusiastic over bath time!

Pumpkin Spice and Everything Nice

2010-08-31T13:04:00.000-07:00

I'm not really a Starbuck's junkie. I don't get one every day. It's actually become a rare self indulgent treat, if anything. But, this morning when I heard that the Pumpkin Spice Latte is officially back, I couldn't help myself. This marks the beginning of fall for me, my most favorite season and the pumpkin spice latte is my MOST favorite blended coffee treat :)

Last year, my sister informed me that it definitely is one of the higher calorie count drinks on their menu (of course) so I was beyond excited this morning when a friend informed me that they're now offering a low fat option! In case you're wondering or care... here's the difference in calories--

Pumpkin Spice Latte, Non Fat, No Whip: Calories- 260, Carbs- 50, Sugar- 48
Pumpkin Spice Latte Whole Milk Fat, With Whip: Calories- 380, Carbs- 51, Sugar- 49

I also learned that last year the company's comparable store sales grew by 11% over the same period last year-- thanks to the pumpkin spice latte. Mission achieved because I'll probably visit Starbucks more in the following two month period than I will all year!

Happy 'almost' fall!!

Clutter free home... skill or discipline??

2010-08-27T13:40:00.000-07:00

For those of you that know me, you know that I'm a little anal when it comes to keeping my house clean. Not necessarily clean as in spotless, no visible dust particles, and squeeky clean base boards. Just clean as in tidey, orderly, and for the most part- clutter free. We live crazy busy lives so it certainly isn't always easy. Now, I was taught this by example because my Mom is exactly the same way, but I also find that I can't even sit down to relax if I notice there's stuff strolled out all over the house and things aren't in their place. Laugh if you will :) I can't tell you how many times I've heard, "Now Maegan, this will all change when Emmalyn gets older and knows how to make a mess." Oh, and I love this one..."You know you're going to have to baby proof your house, right?"

I was visiting with a friend last week in our home and she was laughing at me saying, "Maegan, Emmalyn is not even 7 months old yet and you already have little baby toy bins sitting out, designating where her toys should go." You're darn right i do! We must start now :) Not when she's 2 and is past the point of no return.

Another dear friend came to my house shortly after for a jewelry party and we were discussing this same thing. Her perspective was the same as mine-- that we can teach our children to be disciplined in this way because they're more likely to replicate what they see than what they're told. So, i'm starting now. I'll let you know how it goes :)

Here's a great article on practicle life skills and teaching children to organize their belongings-- http://simplekids.net/organizing-for-kids-2/?utm_source=feedburner&utm_medium=feed&utm_campaign=Feed%3A+SimpleKids+%28Simple+Kids%29

Just for kicks... what are some designated "organization habits" that you have with your family in your home?

Seven months can change your life...

2010-08-19T10:07:00.001-07:00

The past seven months of our life have been quite a journey. And while I know that journey is yet to be over, in such a short time the Lord has taught us so much and changed our perspective in so many ways through our sweet Emmalyn.

That extra 10 minutes of sleep in the morning is no longer as important to me as an extra 10 minutes singing the hot dog song with her. Date nights with my husband have a whole new level of excitement now. Jesus Loves Me this I Know takes on a whole new meaning when singing it to a baby. Bath time has never been so fun. Watching my parents gaze at her makes me thankful for them in an entirely different way. And slobber has never been so sweet :)

Recently, some of our best friends took an evening to share their talents with us and capture some pictures of Emmalyn and us as a family. I'll treasure these always, not just because they're us, but because it was just such a fun day and I'm delighted to have shared it with the Welch family! Thank you, Jason & Lisa. For my friends who follow this blog and aren't on Facebook, these are for you...

My sister Lindsey bought this adorable tutu before Emmalyn was even born. Words can't express how anxious I have been to put it on her. These are some of my personal favorite! And special recognition to Gigi for the fabulous head piece

Rick and Sherri Burgess gave Emmalyn this gorgeous play mat that we've come to cherish now that she's more mobile! I love how our friend Jason found a creative way to incorporate it in a few pictures.

Her eyes look especially amazing to me in this one. And it could be just me, but she's all Jeremy right here :)

Another one of my personal favorites. I just love the way he makes the scenery pop and paid such close attention to detail i.e) bubbles

This one just makes me grin because this is so her... always chewing on EVERYTHING! These are actually mardi gras beads that my mom gave her to play with one day and they've become one of her new favorite toys. I love that she's so easy to please (right now, anyway)

This one is just neat.

So many things to say about this one-- First, it makes me excited for when she actually starts walking. She has some major strength. A sweet picture that mommy & daddy will always be by her side. Second, when she was born she had the leanest, longest, skinniest little legs. I'm so glad she's getting some baby pudge and would you look at those precious rolls?? Oh my...

As you can see, Jeremy really is the best dad. I knew this when I met him and watched him play with his nephews for the first time, but my heart melts when I watch him play with her.

She's so curious. Always checking things out. I suppose all babies are, but she has this intuitive nature about her already...

There's something about red brick. It makes the best background for a picture, and Jason caputured it beautifully.

I love this contemplative look. There's many times when I'll watch her gaze at things, trying to process them and can't help but wonder if she'll have my tendency to drift off into another world! Her little Carriage Boutique dress here is one of my favorites. Again, compliments of Gigi :)

That's not even half of them, but I wanted to share a few and hopefully give you a glimpse of how much she's grown. When we met our dear friends for dinner last night we were discussing her 1st birthday and it hit me like a freight train that it's only in 5 months. Seriously?? Nonetheless, we're soaking up every moment and praising Him for such a special gift.

From the fullness of grace we have received one blessing after another. John 1:16

Full of firsts...

2010-08-06T10:54:00.000-07:00

Everytime another month passes by for Emmalyn I find myself saying "that was my favorite stage." In talking with my Mom the other day I mentioned that six months was my favorite age thus far and she said, "Maegan, every age has been your favorite!" And maybe it has. But, there's something special about 6 months. So many "firsts" happen. Including her first official word... Mama. Yep.

A sweet woman at our church warned me a few weeks ago to not get my feelings hurt when Emmalyn's first word is "Dada" because it's just easier for babies to say. I kid you not, the VERY next day, she said "Mama." Such a funny, yet sweet moment! Now, when you laugh at her and encourage her, she just keeps saying it over and over. Jeremy is trying oh, so desperately to introduce her to Dada, but she's not there yet. So, we've had our first time to sit up for a substantial amount of time without falling over, our first bath in the sink, our first taste of ice cream, our first time in a big girl swimming pool, and I just look forward to the many "firsts" ahead.

I know that with each stage we'll only fall more in love with her than we already are. Emmalyn, you are such a joy to mommy and daddy's life... and so many others too!

My first sink bath!

A great day with Gigi, GDaddy, mommy & daddy at church

I have so much fun with Gigi!

Laughs anyone??

Who Says??

2010-07-28T10:40:00.001-07:00

A colleague of mine recently started a new series for working moms on her blog, "The Parsonage Family." It's called Working Mom Wednesdays and each Wednesday she writes from the perspective of a career-driven working mom. She's an editor for nonfiction books... incredibly demanding job. Well, book publishing in general is demanding, but nontheless...

I wanted to share this blog post because it spoke directly to an emotional struggle I've had for quite some time. I'm just going to be transparent here, because as I read Jessica's blog my first reaction was "I'm not alone!!" And that gave me encouragement. So hopefully, my transparency will help some of you feel the same. My husband, Jeremy, is a Youth Pastor at a non-denominational church here in Nashville. He was a youth pastor when i met him, and I was very aware that this was His life's calling. The result = I'll probably always work :) Not a biggie for me because naturally I'm very career driven and motivated anyway... always have been.

However; I'd be lying if I said that my heart didn't start shifting after Emmalyn was born. Friends have always told me that would happen and naturally, leaving her everyday for 8 hours a day was extremely difficult the first three months. I'm just glad that I love my job :) Jeremy had taken a break from the ministry when we moved here to Nashville. Youth ministry in particular can be incredibly draining and if you're apart of a small church where most of the dependency lies on the staff, it can be both physically and emotionally exhausting. So, when God called us here, He also confirmed that we needed a refresher- a time to step away from the ministry front lines- still actively serving, but in a different way. Thats what we did and it was the best thing ever for us. But, after much prayer, Jeremy's heart obviously started aching for student ministry again. So, we started praying diligently and Jeremy lost his job. Isn't that just like God?? We prayed for open doors so He starts by shutting the most obvious one :)

Just weeks after Emmalyn was born He opened the door for Jeremy to serve as youth pastor at a small church in Green Hills, St. Paul Community Church. I say "small" because in number they may not be huge, but in opportunity and potential they're enormous. Our lives changed quite a bit because Jeremy was now able to stay with Emmalyn most days of the week and if he has an obligation at the church, he can take her with him. While he's not a stay-at-home Dad, he definitely is with her more than I am during the work week. Even in the midst of the incredibly blessing this was, I found myself wondering, "Is this right? What will people think if me not being the primary caregiver?" And on days when the enemy is on the prowl, this is echoed in my mind.

But, Jessica makes a very relevant point and that is that society has determined what role the "Mom and Dad" should play. But, who is society to say? You should do whatever works best for your family and go with that. I'm so thankful for the days that when Emmalyn is sick or teething, that she can hold onto her Daddy in the comfort of a familiar environment. Or, on the days when Jeremy has obligations at the church, he can take her with him while the women practically fight over who gets to cuddle her :) For now, this is what He's arranged for our family and so He's teaching me, as 1 Thess 5:17 says, to give thanks in all circumstances for this is His will for us in Christ Jesus. And, it's a delight for me to watch Jeremy's relationship with Emmalyn blossom. She loves her daddy :)

Jessica covers some pretty great statistics found in a recent article that covers this very topic in Parent's Magazine. I encourage you to read more here!
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Our family!

A Daddy Daughter Day at church...precious time!

Lukewarm...

2010-07-21T12:40:00.000-07:00

This is a long post, but I had a hard time compiling my personal notes into relevant points… there’s so much He’s teaching me right now.

Majority of us are probably familiar with the verse in Revelations 3- So, because you are lukewarm, and neither hot nor cold, I will spit you out of my mouth. I don’t know why, but majority of my spiritual life, I’ve thought that Jesus was speaking directly to Christians here--those Christians who are comfortable, lukewarm, and ineffective for the Kingdom. But, in Francis Chan’s book Crazy Love, he makes an excellent point. In context of the verses following, Jesus tells the church of Laodecia to buy white garments to clothe themselves, that the shame of their nakedness will not be revealed and to anoint their eyes with salve so they can see.

If Jesus is talking to the saints, real Christians, then are they not already clothed in white b/c they’ve been washed in the purity of His blood, and are their eyes not already anointed because they’ve seen the glory of His grace? The words “lukewarm” and “Christian” are not meant to reference one another…they’re just not. When a child of God receives the love found in Jesus Christ, he now lives a life that is lived solely pointed to God’s glory. There’s no other way to live. He doesn’t offer it as an option or suggestion to us.

He challenged me in more ways than one with this passage alone and with the things that define lukewarm. I have a friend that’s been struggling with her salvation lately. She couldn’t be okay with the fact that there are people who call themselves “Christians” yet live an opposing lifestyle. She wasn’t sure what this looked like for herself. She knew she didn’t want to be “on fire” for Him, yet she didn’t want to be that fence rider either, so she chose to be cold. She made her decision. While that makes my heart grieve, I have to say I respect her honesty.

In Crazy Love, Chan compiles a “Profile of the Lukewarm” that shook me hard. Here’s some of the characteristics he discusses:
• they attend church because they are expected to
• they give money to church as long as it doesn’t affect their standard of living
• they choose what is accepted over what is right
• they want to be saved from the penalty of their sin instead of being saved from their sin
• they are moved by stories of people who do radical things for God, yet they do not act
• they rarely share their faith
• they gauge their morality by comparing themselves to the secular world
• they say they love Jesus, but He is only a part of their lives
• they don’t love God with all of their heart, soul, mind, and strength
• they love others but do not seek to love others as much as they love themselves
• they will serve others, but with many limits

The list goes on… but I just wanted to pose the question… Do we love God because He is all we need, or do we love God because of what we think we’ll get in return? He’s already given me much more than I deserve through the sacrifice of His son. This alone is reason enough for me to life a life madly, passionately, and crazy in love with Jesus. 2 Corinthians 13:5 tells us that we must examine ourselves to determine if we are in the faith. None of us are perfect, in fact far from it, and I’m not saying we as followers of Christ won’t make mistakes, but we must desire Him above all things. As John Piper says, He is most glorified in us when we are most satisfied in Him.

Radical? Not so much...

2010-06-28T11:41:00.000-07:00

Right now, the women’s ministry i'm involved with at our church is going through Crazy Love, by Francis Chan. I’m loving it. It’s opening my eyes to so many simple, yet profound truths that the Lord constantly has to slap me in the face with. Unfortunately, I’m one of those that needs to be reminded that it’s not about me.

This week, I’ve been in St. Louis at the International Christian Retailing Show. Several Christian publishers are there, promoting their books & resources. I was in the David Cook Publishers booth, waiting for Francis Chan to do a signing. Not necessarily apart of my “professional” agenda, but I had my personal copy with me and also just wanted the opportunity to meet him and tell him how cool I think he is ☺

A man stood behind me talking to a colleague and said “Hey, that’s that Crazy Love book. That guys teachings are radical. I’m not sure what the big deal is.”

First, this was one of those moments when I had to remind myself that interjection into their conversation would be rude. Plus, I’m a complete stranger, so what do they care? Then I recalled the chapter I had just read the night before discussed living life to make every second count and to speak up for the name of Jesus.

SO… I gently approached them and said, “I’m sorry. I couldn't help but hear your comment and I just have to say that the Lord is drastically reshaping my biblical worldview through this book. Francis Chan may be radical… but wasn’t Jesus also? Have a good day!”

This past weekend I had a bit of a revelation as we celebrated the life of a friend who battled lymphoma. As I watched his expectant wife and two sons, his mom, dad, brother, and rest of the family stand through God’s enduring strength and choose to rejoice in the Lord, regardless of their circumstance, I was filled with encouragement & hope. A 27 year old man had touched more in his short life span than you can imagine. I too was one of those lives he impacted.

His pastor, who spoke at his memorial service, reminded family and friends that David wasn’t fighting the giant of cancer. He was fought the giant of complacency among God’s people. What a powerful statement. The mindset of complacency that settles so easily in each of us had been defeated through David’s battle. So many who knew him and his family were better wives, better husbands, better followers of Christ because of their story. Many who were living self consuming, mundane, ineffective lives were challenged and renewed through his life. Essentially, people who knew David and his family were changed for the better.

I wonder… how many can say that about me? About you? Jesus calls us to live radically. So much so, that we stand out head and shoulders among the world- in the midst of sinful chaos, we are to light up the darkness. Is being a “good” person who does the “right” things enough? Absolutely not. And who do I think I am to think that my Christian responsibilities, leadership roles, and acts of service make me stand out??” Oh, so sad. If my heart is not crazy in love with Him and my desire is not for Him, above all things, my soil is bad and my fruit is rotten.

If i spout out random thoughts that seem a bit extreme over the next few weeks, it's probably a bi-product of what God is teaching me right now. I love it when He chooses to refine me. It reminds me of His great love for us!

Set Apart...

2010-06-15T11:46:00.000-07:00

Two weeks ago we experienced the joy of dedicating Emmalyn to the Lord before our church family, friends, and immediate family. My husband serves on staff as the Youth Pastor at our church, St. Paul Community Church. Since the Lord has called us there, we have been so blessed to be a part of a new and fresh Kingdom work He is preparing for this body of believers. Being able to join in this work & also dedicate the upbringing of our child to the teachings of Jesus is unspeakably great.

Our interim pastor spoke on what it means to be "dedicated" and used Hannah, the mother of Samuel, as an example. One way he described it was- "to make a conscious decision to be set apart- holy." When looking at it that way, I realized the hugeness of the committment we were making for Emmalyn. Because we chose to place her in His hands for a specific purpose, she is already walking in His destiny for her.

Instead of thinking and acting like the world, she will one day have to make the decision to set herself apart from the common way of living and viewing life... to be more like Jesus. I'm reminded of 1 Thessalonians 5:6 that says, "So we should not be like other people who are sleeping, but we should be alert and have self-control."
Essentially, she took her first steps for Jesus and we as her care takers will rely on His grace each day to be an example of living a life and having a heart that is set on pleasing Him. So here we go, Lord... :)

Thankfully, we have lots of support, through our family and friends, to let us know when we're messing up along the way too ;) I'm glad He uses others to get us on track! Here are a few moments from this special day... one that I can't wait to tell her about soon. Many thanks to my dear friend, Lisa, for taking these pictures!

Listening to Scott's charge to us as parents...

Daddy & daughter

The whole fam...

I love this one... as we all pray over Emmalyn, she chews Mr. Dodd's poor finger!

Presenting her to the congregation as we sing Jesus Loves Me...

Our church family gave her a very nice Keepsakes Bible! I so look forward to helping teach her all about His Word...

How sweet is her little dedication gown?? It was handstiched with a fresh water pearl cross in the center. I loved it!

Covering her in prayer...

Little Moments

2010-05-27T12:34:00.001-07:00

Our days are usually crammed full of something. Church activities, work events/obligations, social gatherings, etc. But this day... this ONE day was calm. And I love these days. Though few and far between, little moments like this are the best! Having this moment captured empowers me to say no to the busy days and yes to this.

Choosing Truth

2010-05-24T08:49:00.000-07:00

I'm sure if any of you are fans of the television series, LOST, or even if you aren't for that matter, you were totally aware that last night was the conclusion of the 7 year series. The epic battle between faith and reason, good and evil, finally came to a close. It was SO many things... resolute, final, surprising, heart wrenching... everything a good ending should be! This morning as I drank coffee & read my Bible some, I couldn't help but think about the character of Jack Shepherd and the monumental growth he experiened over the show's lifespan. He seriously had some periods of transformation that as I kind of reflected on, really inspire me.

Jack was certainly one of those realists who fought to the death to find reason in everything. His character started out this way, but certainly didn't end this way. Somewhere along the way, He began to surrender to his "destiny" and realized that he wasn't in control. He came to a point of resolution with faith and stepped out passionately to walk in what he knew to be the "truth" of the island.

I started thinking that as Christians, we have the freedom; the choice to walk in truth. I don't always chose truth. But, when faced with the circumstance of chosing God's truth over human reason, His truth wins every time. May I never chose anything else!

So, this is my "Ode to LOST." I'm pretty sad about its ending, but thankful that a few brilliant writers & producers had the guts to produce something that actually makes you think outside the box of normal television. I'm pretty sure people will be discussing its impact for centuries to come.

Joyful Pursuit

2010-05-07T13:04:00.000-07:00

I love watching my baby girl grow. Right now, she’s figuring out how to hold her head up on her own, she’s trying to imitate some of the noises we make, and she’s gripping/holding on to things by herself. Even when she doesn’t accomplish these things completely, she smiles through what she’s experiencing. Watching her a few days ago, I couldn’t help but wish that as an adult, I could know that same joy in the unattainable. Instead, I’m constantly setting goals, to-do lists, and then punishing myself when they’re not accomplished the way I would have them be.

As Christians we’re aware of the hope we have in Christ alone and His righteousness applied to us. BUT, we’re still very aware of our own failure to be holy. At least I am. The pleasure of pleasing the Lord, of living a life of obedience that comes from the overflow of our love for Him, should bring us so much satisfaction, that even when we fail to be holy, our joy is in the PURSUIT. After all, man’s chief end is to glorify God and enjoy Him forever, right? One of my authors, who has been a wonderful encouragement to me, reminded me today that “we’ll never be caught up until we’re caught up with Him in eternity.” What an incredible thought! Hebrews 12:1-2

Baby talk...

2010-05-01T15:58:00.000-07:00

My mom used to tell me stories about my excessive talking as a child. I think i drove her half crazy. At 15 weeks, Emmalyn is desperately wanting to talk and it's so adorable to watch. I love the expressions she makes as she figures out what talking is and gets so frustrated that she can only muster these strange sounds and not big girl words. I'm treasuring these little moments :)

A Night Away

2010-04-26T17:27:00.000-07:00

Jeremy & I took a little last minute planned get-a-way trip to Chattanooga for our anniversary. We didn't have the time available to take a full weekend so we just escaped for a night, but how cherished that time together was! I was reminded that while the get-a-ways are nice, we need to take the time to enjoy one another everyday, even amongst the ongoing chaos of life.

We found a few fun places to dine, one of them being in an authentic antique train car, rode the incline up historic lookout mountain, saw a movie, and my favorite part... slept about 10 hours straight. Ah, sleep. The focus and undivided attention to one another was refreshing and I'm reminded how thankful I am for my sweet man.

Hello, sleep. It's been awhile!

The somewhat scary journey up lookout mountain...

Beautiful view!

Enjoying the trip back down the mountain

Chattanooga Choo-Choo

The train car we dined in!

The pretty view from our private table

Waiting patiently (not really) for dinner!

Delight

2010-04-22T06:17:00.001-07:00

Four years ago today I married the sweetest man I know (aside from my Daddy). Jeremy and I were kind of a surprise to all who knew us well. If you were to put two people together, you probably wouldn't have matched us with one another. He was the quiet, shy, really tall guy who loved (and still passionately loves) sports. I was the very un-shy, outgoing, artsy girl who sang & loved musical theater (and still do). The plans our Father has for us are so often not what we would imagine... oh but how much better they are.

Jeremy and I made the theme and central focus of our wedding, Psalm 37:4, Delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart. When we started dating, God was shaping this verse into a whole new meaning and perspective for us. It's now come to mean so much more than it did even 4years ago. Christ continually calls us in our marriage to seek after Him wholeheartedly, delight in Him and His will above all else, and as much as you love your spouse, let Jesus remain your first love and fall deeper in love with Him every day. All else, the Lord will provide. I love Jeremy because He loves Jesus more than me. I love him because He pursues Jesus more than me. This is and always will be our prayer. Because in this love, Christ teaches us how to love one another as husband and wife the way HE designed. So, i love you my sweet hubs. Thank you for loving Him first and sharing that love with me! Happy you and me day.

Hope in a Bottle

2010-04-15T13:54:00.000-07:00

I had an interesting conversation with a friend the other day that made me reevaluate hope. We were discussing her difficult situation and she made the statement, “For the first time in a long time, I felt a sense of hope.” It made me think about why it’s often a feeling that we have receive before we can see it or believe in it. I looked up a few definitions of the word hope and the one that made most sense to me was: Hope is looking forward to a favorable end result with expectation and confidence.

Often times, we have to see evidence that there’s hope on the horizon before we’ll actually cling to it. If things aren’t necessarily going our way and we can’t see the light at the end of the tunnel, so to speak, we feel anything but hope. As a matter of fact we feel hopeLESS. My friend had to witness her situation turning around for the better before she could hold on to hope. The Hebrew word qavah (wait) is sometimes translated “hope” or “look expectantly.” We sometimes wish we could just take that feeling and bottle it up so that when we need it, it’s readily available.

Jesus himself is the hope of the world, He’s all the hope we need. And because of Him, we can look expectantly to a life far greater than this one. If you’ve ever read my blog with your volume turned up, you’ve heard a song called “It Might be Hope” by Sara Groves. It’s one of my favorites.

I’ll leave you with the lyrics. Mainly, for my friend who is hanging on to her “glimpse” of hope. May it not just be a glimpse that fades, but an eternal hope that you can cling to always.

You do your work the best that you can
You put one foot in front of the other
Life comes in waves and makes its demands
You hold on as well as you’re able
You’ve been here, for a long long time

But hope has a way of turning it’s face to you,
Just when you least expect it
You walk in a room, you look out a window and
Something there leaves you breathless
You say to yourself, “It’s been awhile since I’ve felt this.”
And it feels like it might be… hope.

It's hard to recall what blew out the flame
it's been dark since you can remember
you talk it all through to find it a name
as days go on by without number

You've been here for a long long time

Hope has a way of turning it's face to you
just when you least expect it
you walk in a room
you look out a window
and something there leaves you breathless
you say to yourself
"it's been a while since I felt this"
and it feels like it might be hope

Still learning...

2010-04-09T07:38:00.000-07:00

Do you ever have times in your life when you feel like you'll never catch on to something or just life in general?? Perhaps you have ONE day, one great day when you think, "Wow, I'm pretty good at this!" I'll admit I don't think I've ever seen that day. But, I realized this morning that I don't want to. Because on that day, I just might start trusting in myself and in my own merit, tossing my dependency on Jesus to the side. And that's not a place I want to be. Not as a wife, a Mom, a sister, a daughter, a Publicist, a teacher, and least of all, not as a child of the King.

So, today as I thought, "I have no clue how to do this, Lord..." I felt His sweet voice say, "That's okay, my daughter. I do." I'm so thankful I have Him to cling to... Psalm 105:4

Here's a few pictures my sister Lindsey took of Emmalyn over Easter. She bought her this little outfit and she looks like SUCH a big girl in it! I'm reminded everytime I look at her, again, of my feebleness and my need to hold tight to Him.

Big Girls Don't Cry

2010-03-31T07:07:00.000-07:00

One thing I am thankful for and am continually reminded by stories from other women, is that Emmalyn is not a fussy baby. She's generally happy for the most part, unless she's hungry or needs to be changed, seeing as crying is her main way of communicating those needs to us. At 10 weeks, she's discovered the sound of her voice and loves to hear her own noises. So, she imitates us a lot! Its quite hilarious. Especially when she starts to get frustrated b/c she can't do what we're doing. But, oh the effort she puts into it!

My mom used to tell me endless stories of how I would try to imitate everything... characters from a cartoon, other people, scenes from movies, etc. One in particular was Christopher Robin from Winnie the Pooh. Mom said I referred to him as "English" instead of "British" at 2 yrs old :)

We've captured a few moments of Emmalyn desperately trying to imitate her daddy at 10 weeks old. Oh, how I'm loving this phase!

Trying to talk to Daddy

This is my favorite- Jeremy is behind her sticking his tongue out and as you can see, she is SO determined to do the same!

Sporting my new big girl outfit that Gigi bought me :)

Loving on my sweet pea!

Our Passover...

2010-03-29T09:16:00.000-07:00

In light of yesterday being passover, we did alot of reflecting on the hugeness of the sacrifice God offered up for us. Our new church, St. Paul Community Church, focused on the importance of God overcoming the law and allowing His son to be the sacrificial Lamb, so that we'd be covered under a new covenant. In our message, our interim pastor gave an astounding statistic about the number of lambs that were slain in a year's time, just so that the Israelites were ensured "protection." Did you know that the Hebrew word for passover is protection? All of those lambs... and God came in with the promise of only ONE. And He would take care of it all.

God became one of us because He yearns to make us ONE with Him. I was reminded of this yesterday as I look at Easter through a different perspective this year. Now as a parent, I couldn't imagine sacrificing my only child for a humanity as filty as we are. Oh, what grace...

I love C.S. Lewis. While I wish i knew more about his works, I have read quite a few and one of my favorites is Miracles. In it, he refers to the Incarnation as "The grand miracle." Lewis said he could not conceive how “eternal self-existent Spirit” could be combined with “a natural human organism” so as to make one person. I'm with him.

Lewis was equally amazed by the doctrine of the Atonement, saying only that “the central Christian belief is that Christ’s death has somehow put us right with God and given us a fresh start.” He adds that one not need adopt any one theory of the Atonement, or to understand it fully, in order to benefit from the work of the cross. In the same way, a starving person can be saved by a timely meal, without knowing anything at all about the principles of nutrition (Mere Christianity, bk. 2, chap. 4.) Isn't that such a cool perspective?

Something that our new church does is we have the Lord's Supper every Sunday. I love being reminded every week, and forbid that I not think of it every second of every day, that Christ reigns and by His wounds, I am healed. So, I encourage you this season to reflect intently on the atonement that He provided us and the everlasting promise that we are FREE in Him! Happy Easter :)

Chili's Give-a-way

2010-03-21T19:20:00.000-07:00

Last fall, I started following a blog called Faithful Provisions. It was started by a stay-at-home Mom here in Franklin, TN who just wanted to share her knowledge of saving money to help families who are not just trying to be thrifty, but be good stewards of what God's blessed them with. She founded it on Luke 12:24 and the Lord has blessed her ministry with a strong following resulting in a prime time spot on a local TV show and high demand for workshops across the country.

I know that there are several mommies who read this blog, so I wanted to make you aware of her ministry in case you're interested. ALSO... she's doing a fun give-a-way this week for a $50 gift card & free appetizer (the appetizer is for everyone) at Chili's. They contacted her to try out a few of their new menu items. So... just for fun- here's the link to the Chili's give-a-way and I hope you find Kelly's story & her ministry as much of a blessing as I have! :)

Chili’s $50 Gift Card Giveaway + Free Appetizer For Everyone!

Insecurity: Self Promotion

2010-03-17T06:13:00.000-07:00

Recently, I've been reading through Beth Moore's new book, "So Long, Insecurity." The subtitle is my favorite: "You've been a bad friend to us." So true, right? A friend of mine that works for the publisher read the manuscript long before the book released and she warned me... "it forces you to deal with the inevitable insecurities EVERY woman encounters at some point or another, so be prepared for some soul searching." She was definitely accurate in her diagnosis.

God has been chipping away piece by piece the parts of my flesh that encourage insecurity so much that I feel some confession is necessary. If you're a Living Proof Ministries blog follower like I am, you know that Beth is also walking her readers through a "devotional" if you will, of each chapter in the book. While that's not my intention b/c I don't consider myself to be NEAR the scholar she is, I do want to do a series of posts touching on the points in her book that God has most used to refine me thus far. While the refining is far from over, I'm thankful for what He's showing me already.

Within the first 3 chapters of the book she makes a statement that knocked me to my knees. Now let me preface this by saying, I'm by no means knocking those that are into "self-promotion." I'm a Publicist & Marketing Manager for crying out loud. This is my daily job and what I do for many literary artists. I am the one often encouraging them to self promote. However; in the most healthy way possible, meaning that ones motives should always be in check. I speak for myself too...

On page 56, Beth makes the statement: Unrelenting self-promotion always carries the lingering scent of insecurity. I immediately started asking of Him, "Lord, how do we fight this seeing as we live in a culture where we're actually ENCOURAGED to self-promote, often disguising that with YOUR very name so as to make us feel like we're not self-promoting??" I, myself am so guilty of this...

Well, Beth references a few examples in Scripture that helped me come to the realization that even the most humble of apostles wrestled with this issue and it all comes back to the waging war of sin- that we won't see the end of this until we're finally with him (Oh, I can't wait for that, can you??)! Even the Apostle Paul "felt the need to affirm his credentials to the people he served in Corinth by using this little twist":
I do not think I am in the least inferior to those "super-apostles." I may not be a trained speaker, but I do have knowledge. 2 Cor. 11:5-6... Cloaked with insecurity.

In Paul's opinion, the true meaning of living a life crucified to Christ was daily dying to the parts of himself that would hinder the magnificent work of Jehovah God in him. He constantly had to allow the Holy Spirit to wrestle his ego to the ground, standing up only to say: By the grace of God I am what I am (1 Cor 15:10)

So, it was here that I realized that in this relentless need to self-promote, we must not loose sight of the fact that we are who we are by HIS grace only and He can take it all away if we're not being good stewards of what He's given us. We are ENTRUSTED with what we've been given, certainly not entitled. So, keeping our motives in check as to why we're doing what we do is of the utmost importance, and remembering that He knows our heart. 1 Timothy 1:17

Calling all friends...

2010-03-01T09:20:00.000-08:00

I'm in need of your help and if should you choose to participate, there will be a little prize involved :) This isn't bribery... just a way to say "thank you" b/c the favor will take a little effort on your behalf.

I've been approached with the opportunity to have a few of my blog posts published in a ministry publication for radio stations around the country. The editor wants to use them as devotionals. Very neat and exciting i know, but I have NO idea which posts to submit & since I'm my very worst critic, I don't think letting myself be the judge is the best option.

SO... here's where you come in :) The magazine is seasonal- Spring, Summer, Winter, and Fall issues. The devotional for spring is needed by March 13th (yikes, i know). And just to clarify... these posts are to be inspirational, so none of my "fun story" posts or pregnancy rants would be applicable ;) Now, I know that this will require some rummaging through past posts and lots of reading so I only ask that you suggest your top 2. If any specifically happen to stand out in your mind, as having read them before and been encouraged, then WONDERFUL. That of course is the purpose of this whole thing anyway. Then again, I by no means expect that you lie awake at night thinking, "Man, blog post number X was my favorite!"

Okay, so the fun part... should you choose to respond and participate, you will have your choice of the following fabulous copies of inspirational literature. Just email me with the book of your choice and I will keep everyone updated as to what is still available.

1. Facing Your Giants- Max Lucado
2. Traveling Light- Max Lucado
3. Get Out of that Pit- Beth Moore
4. Breaking Free- Beth Moore
4. A Tale of Two Sons- John MacArthur
5. Twelve Extraordinary Men- John MacArthur
6. Blue Like Jazz- Donald Miller
7. A Million Miles and a Thousand Years- Donald Miller
8. Through Painted Deserts- Donald Miller
9. Passion & Purity- Elizabeth Elliot
10. Prayer- Phillip Yancey
11. Battling Unbelief- John Piper
12. Don't Waste Your Life- John Piper
13. Having a Mary Heart in a Martha World- Joann Weaver
14. Fathered by God- John Eldredge
15. Walking with God- John Eldredge

So... HAPPY READING! :) And if you're totally in the boat of "this is for the birds," that's so understood. I just figured it's worth a shot. Thanks to each of you!

A few of her favorite things...

2010-02-21T09:51:00.000-08:00

New found discoveries are made every day... even in the life of a 5 week old :) Actually, especially in the life of a 5 week old! It's amazing that God crafts these sweet little masterpieces with their own personality from day 1. We're learning each day the things Emmalyn likes and doesn't. But since those that she dislikes aren't as fun, I'll just share those she does...

LOVE to stare at my reflection in the mirror... specifically at Dr Freeman's office!

I love to fall asleep on Gigi w/ my mouth WIDE open :)

I love to pretend that I'm a big girl and can talk perfectly well...

Last but not least, i LOVE my Soothie!

A False Gospel of Self-Security

2010-02-17T12:49:00.000-08:00

This space has become more of a journal through the journey of pregnancy lately, which has been fun and I'm sure it will be interesting to go back and read one day. However, I do not want to discount the things that God has been teaching me lately either. In the midst of one of the most important events in my life, God has not ceased to continue sharpening me with His Word & His truth.

I've found myself as of late more vulnerable than ever. For my Mommy friends, did you find yourself at a very real awareness of your insecurity after you gave birth? It's fitting that right now, I'm reading Beth Moore's new book, "Insecurity." So many things to consider- will I be a good Mom? How will I handle being a loving wife, mother, and continue to be successful in my work? More importantly, how will I continue to make myself fully available in ministry & service with all these new responsibilities? The world tells me that my salvation through Christ is a guarantee of health, wealth, prosperity, and happiness... tragically misleading.

The true gospel is a call to self-denial. This I'm learning daily. Man-centered evangelists tell us that Jesus gives you peace, Jesus gives you joy, Jesus makes you a better salesman, and Jesus makes you look like a hero at the office. Jesus really wants to make you feel better about yourself. He wants to elevate your self-image. He wants to put an end to your negative thinking. I love what Dr. John MacArthur calls this kind of thinking- "Christianity for Consumers- Christianity Lite." A watering down and misinterpretation of the gospel in an attempt to make it a little more appealing. When did Christianity become a "get what you want" instead of a "give up everything" movement?? This reality has been made more transparent to me now more than ever, as I've found myself in a place of "wanting" so many things- for my family, for our ministry, for our future... all good things, but do they exalt Him or me??

"Thy life in my death." That's the true gospel. Jesus said it unmistakably... "If anyone desires to come after Me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross, and follow Me. For whoever loses his life for My sake will find it." Matthew 16:24-25.

It's not about exalting me, it's about slaying me. This is the essence of discipleship.

Joy Unspeakable

2010-01-30T13:23:00.000-08:00

Two weeks. Two weeks since little Emmalyn came into the world and I while I don't feel I have the hang of things, I am slowly easing into the role of motherhood and all that it brings. I'm not quite sure where to begin other than to tell you that my heart overflows with joy... unspeakable joy.

I suppose I'll start with our dinner at Chuy's the Friday before Emmalyn was born, January 15th. The COO of my company, and a lady whom I adore and look up to, Audrey, had advised me to try eating at Chuy's at some point during the weekend... ensuring that the spicy food would spur Emmalyn's arrival and she was so right. Friday night my contractions started pretty strongly at 6 minutes apart, increasing through the night. I woke Saturday morning in pain, (oh my goodness, the pain) and so we headed to the hospital. One of what would be 3 trips in 24 hours! Yes, 3 times in 1 day. As soon as I arrived they checked me and I wasn't even dilated. They sent us on our way & told me to come back if the contractions became longer, stronger, and closer together.

I didn't want to go home. I was hurting but wanted to do something to keep my mind preoccupied and also wanted to take advantage of what would be the last day alone with my husband for a while! So, Jeremy and I went to this neat place in Green Hills called "The Pfunky Griddle." You make your own pancakes, waffles, eggs, french toast... everything on a griddle at your table. Very cool and might I add incredibly delicious. After that we decided to head to the Apple store at the Green Hills mall. I wanted to do as much walking as possible ;) We then decide to catch a matinee (Leap Year w/ Amy Adams) and while i'm trying so hard to enjoy a movie & popcorn, I'm in PAIN. The contractions are definitely longer, stronger, and closer together. Jeremy's timing them and they're averaging about 5 minutes apart and anywhere from 40-60 seconds long. I'm determined not to go back to the hospital...

We go home that night to try and rest up and even watch a movie, but I am miserable. I call my nurse AGAIN and she suggests I come back to the hospital. So, once again, we load up our bags and off we go... since we had only been there 7 hours prior, they don't even check us in, we just go straight to the exam room. I'm 2.5 cm dilated and clearly am having strong contractions. The nurse thinks i'm in early labor but of course, the Dr on call has the final say so. The Dr suggests that I walk around the hospital for an hour, get another examination and see if anything has progressed. Ok, at this point I'm so frustrated. My husband is being as sweet as he can be. Our family, oh so patient... but me, frustrated! I know that I'm in labor. I know that our baby is ready to come, but they are making me hold out as long as possible! We do another examination after walking around the ENTIRE hospital for an hour. I'm still at 2.5 cm so the Dr sends me home w/ Ambien to help me sleep. AMBIEN. She says: "You know you're in labor if this Ambien does nothing for you and you're unable to sleep through your contractions." I'm thinking, "oh, lady... I can tell you right now that this Ambien will be about as helpful as poo."

So, one sleepless night and 200 contractions later, we are on our way to the hospital AGAIN. This time, my contractions at 3 minutes apart and lasting for nearly a minute and a half. The same nurse was still on her shift and her first words to me were, "oh, honey you look so much more miserable than this morning. I think we're going to have a baby today!" So, another examination and I'm at 4.5 cm and am being taken to labor and delivery... FINALLY!

Sunday, Jan 17th, at about 9:30 AM, I'm admitted to labor & delivery, and around 11 AM, I received my epidural. Family started to arrive around 12:30 and I'm passed out by the time they arrived... feeling good :) I went from 4.5 cm to fully dilated in just a few hours. I was in labor for about an hour when my Dr informs us that Emmalyn is turned on her side, her head still above my pelvic bone. Her exact words: "If I were a betting woman, I'd say you could be in here pushing for another 24 hours and we'd still end up in the OR." Of course, that's not exactly what you want to hear, as every woman dreams of a normal delivery experience... but I also am a carrier of Group B Strep and knew that a C-section would be safer for little Emmalyn as well. After more pushing, I looked at my nurse and said, "is this going anywhere?" And she said, "No sweetie... not really." So, we were off to the OR. Not what we expected, but exactly how the Lord would have it. In just 30 minutes, she was here and in an hour, i was opened up and put back together... just like that.

Okay- funny side. I'm in the OR and they're prepping for surgery and Jeremy's not in there yet. I keep wondering... when is he going to get here? They can't start without him. I finally ask the Dr: "do you know where my husband is?" And she sarcastically responds,"They're having trouble finding a hospital gown large enough for him... no joke." :) I needed some laughter at that point. Shortly after, my handsome man comes in and my response,"HELLO Dr. Roper." My own personal McDreamy right by my side :)

Hearing that first cry as they took her out was indescribable. Tears just continually flowed and I couldn't believe she was finally here. They took her immediately to get her cleaned out and then placed her on my chest... all 6 lbs and 15 ounces of her. She was perfect. Such an amazing experience. I just kept telling her, "Emmalyn, Jesus loves you immensely and I will too!" I must say... you really realize the depth of Christ's love for us when you hold something so precious. To imagine that what you're feeling is magnified a thousand times over & that still doesn't scratch the surface of His love for you & me... joy unspeakable.

So, here we are 2 weeks later... after much help from family & friends, to say that we feel blessed is quite the understatement. Thanks to each of you for your words of encouragement, love, and kindness. I'm thankful that our little girl is so loved...

I leave you with the lyrics to a Dave Crowder song, as it so adequately describes my heart's thank you for how He loves us...

He is jealous for me,
Loves like a hurricane, I am a tree,
Bending beneath the weight of his wind and mercy.
When all of a sudden,
I am unaware of these afflictions eclipsed by glory,
And I realise just how beautiful You are,
And how great Your affections are for me.

And oh, how He loves us so,
Oh how He loves us,
How He loves us all

We are His portion and He is our prize,
Drawn to redemption by the grace in His eyes,
If grace is an ocean, we’re all sinking.
And Heaven meets earth like an unforseen kiss,
And my heart turns violently inside of my chest,
I don’t have time to maintain these regrets,
When I think about, the way…

Nesting...

2010-01-08T19:32:00.000-08:00

So, it's true. You really DO hit a period in the later stage of your pregnancy where you just can't sit still and you have this overwhelming urge to just rearrange everything, and i do mean everything in your house. The first weekend of the New Year I randomly (random being the operative word) got the notion to change our office into another spare bedroom. While it's a perfectly sensible idea, not very ideal to do at 38 weeks pregnant with little time to spare and no extra bed :) However; I assure you, we made it work and while our little bed is but an air mattress, it's comfy, cozy, and it will accommodate the extra visitors we'll be having after Emmalyn is here.

In my last days of pregnancy I've experienced such an odd surge of emotions... kind of like a box of holiday chocolates. You NEVER know what's waiting inside until you split me open and then who knows what you'll find :) It could be sweet goodness or it may be bitter sourness (my poor husband). Yesterday, I cried for 30 minutes over a cake. Yes, a cake. Jeremy's birthday cake, which while the end result wasn't pleasing to the eye, it was to the tummy :) Jeremy reminded me that he is a guy after all and he cares nothing about how the cake looks... only how it tastes. Imagine that :)

Nonetheless, we've been enjoying time with loved ones and good friends while Emmalyn decides to take her sweet time and I'm so thankful for the encouragement & prayers that our Father has been faithful to continually provide. So, here's some documentation of our nesting projects, along w/ Emma's finished nursery and fun times from New Year's Eve & the National Championship game.

Celebrating the New Year w/ our dear friends, Karen & Cason

An intense game of Jenga!

Emmalyn's nursery

The Pottery Barn dresser that my Mom found at a consignment shop for incredibly cheap. It turned out perfectly!

Evidence of nesting...

Jeremy's 28th b'day and National Championship Game celebration w/ my cousin Julie and her hubby, Ryan

15 days and counting...

2010-01-03T16:02:00.000-08:00

In 15 days our lives will be a little different. In 15 days, we'll get to gaze at this amazing gift that's been growing inside of me for the past 9 months... in just 15 days, we'll get to meet Emmalyn Brooke Roper. I can't wait to hold her, tell her how much she is loved by the Savior, and give her my heart.

Everyone wants to talk about how difficult the transition is going to be. Since I'm a first time Mom, I can't say that I know, because I don't. It's going to be a time of learning, growth, and complete submission. I'm incredibly aware that I can't do it on my own, which is why I'm letting Him build my trust in His strength daily. So... i look forward to the precious joys- holding her, smelling her baby soft skin, watching Jeremy with her, and singing her to sleep at night... in just 15 days :)

A journey of humility...

2009-12-21T07:53:00.000-08:00

To keep me humble... the Lord has intently placed various people in my life that I can always rely on to offer doses of reality when I'm feeling confident that I have things under control. For some reason, we think that we're totally capable of handling things ourselves, without trusting in His guidance & provision. Unfortunately, I've mastered this. I'll leave Him out of so many things, only to be found on my face later, asking "I know that relying on my own merit results to nothing, so why do I find myself here everytime...?" That's why He places people in our lives to gently remind us that we have to slow down, rely on Him, and He will carry our burdens. That which we can't lift... He'll give us the grace to carry it.

My husband is one of those people. Particularly over the past 9 months, I've seen the Lord use Him to keep me in a place of humility... realizing that I'm totally dependent upon the strength of the Lord. No, i'm not superwoman, nor was I meant to be. My help comes from the Lord (Ps 21) and that's okay :) My Mom is one of these people as well... constantly reminding me to stop, place it in His hands, and don't move until I've left it there... as it should be.

This is an ode to my hubs, for taking such good care of me over the past 9 months; ensuring that this journey is one that I'll never forget, reminding me to stop in all of the craziness and preparation to focus on that of utmost significance...

Pausing to tell me in those moments I find myself in front of the mirror, thinking "good night alive, I'm huge," to say: "You're the most beautiful pregnant woman I've ever seen and I'm so in love with you." Throwing the Victoria's Secret catalogs in the trash b/c He knows that it's just a tool for the enemy to make me feel less than what I am...dropping me off in front of the mall and coming to pick me up, so as not to walk long distances in freezing cold, chaotically crowded parking lots....endless foot & back rubs... calling in the middle of the day to say "is there anything i can do around the house today?"... taking care of the preschoolers on Sunday mornings that I woke up sick, not able to even hold my head up. And more importantly, reminding me every day that apart from Christ, I can do nothing... so just let Him work through me and He'll give me what I need to press on.

So, Jeremy... thank you doesn't quite seem to suffice, but my hope is that you're as confident today of my love for you as you are when we said "I Do" almost 4 years ago. You're going to be an amazing Dad and as we celebrate this Christmas, I am thankful for the addition to our already existing family & for the way that you allow Him to use you to teach me, even when you're unaware. I love you!

An Abingdon Press Christmas...

2009-12-16T07:43:00.000-08:00

I have a fun job. The authors I work with are brilliant, kind, passionate about the Lord, and also funny ;) As the Marketing & Publicity Manager for Abingdon Press Christian Fiction, I have quite the creative bunch of writers on our team. One of them, Joyce Magnin, author of "The Prayers of Agnes Sparrow" is so charming and she wrote this little Christmas poem that I thought would be fun to share... Enjoy!

Twas the night before Christmas and all through the house
Not a writer was clicking, not even her mouse.
The edits were finished and attached with care
To a word document sent through the air.
The authors were nestled all snug in their beds
While visions of six-figure advances danced in their heads.

And Barbara in her cubicle and Tammy in her own
Had just settled their brains for a talk on the phone.
When out in the bookstores their arose such a clatter
Susan Salley went dashing to see what was the matter
Away to the store she road with Mark and Renee
For Santa had bought all our books on his way.

The authors were cheering as they reported that earnings
had gone through the roof. "Get the presses turning,"
Tammy said in the phone. And Maegan called Barbara
"It's better than Tiger Woods. It's better than Oprah!"

Now Judy! Now Jennifer!
Now Richard and Ariel!
On Christa and Sandie
On Cynthia and Rita

To the top of the charts
To the top of the shelves
Now write away! Write away
Write away all!\

If you're interested, Amazon.com is promoting a FREE Kindle download of Joyce's novel this week- I've read it and it's fabulous... the perfect mix of quirky humor and the message of God's eternal grace. ">

Merry Christmas! :)

A Different Kind of Holiday...

2009-12-14T08:15:00.000-08:00

I haven't blogged in a while.... I assure you it's not b/c I haven't had any thoughts to unleash :) Life has just been happening. Busily, and rapidly happening and time has been of the essence. To be quite honest, when we have had any down time, Jeremy and I have tried to make a point to just soak up one another. And that's been special. Not that when our Emmalyn arrives we won't continually make that effort, but where we once sat down to watch a movie together or have a quiet dinner watching our favorite TV show not thinking twice, we now try to savor those little moments...

I'm not sure where to begin, other than to tell you that I've just been overwhelmed but at the same time, over joyed. At only 5 weeks before Emmalyn's arrival I'm finding myself in the midst of the busiest time of the year (it's quite unfortunate that it can't be the most peaceful), all while starting a new career with another publishing house (yes, you may think i'm insane... i know) and preparing myself for motherhood. Not to mention, I'm extremely emotional and sensitive when it comes to family right now... :) Every time I talk to my Mom or one of my sisters over the phone, i end up surrounded by wadded tissues at the end of the conversation.

We've made the decision not to travel for the holidays this year, seeing as it will be so close to my due date. I can't lie and say I won't love being able to enjoy our home during Christmas, instead of hopping from place to place, however; there are several things I'll miss about going home... home to 3517 Sharon Lane, in particular :) My mom has this exquisite way of making her house feel like a Christmas fairy tale during the holidays. She takes such attention to detail that you literally feel like you're walking into a "Southern Living Christmas" when you enter the front door. The smell of 10 different types of holiday candles burning, while most assuredly there's an array of some sort of "goodies" lined up along the granite buffet. Always a pot of coffee, hot chocolate, or apple cider brewing... yes, it'll be a challenge to beat that kind of atmosphere here in Nashville this Christmas :)

The most important element is that we'll be surrounded by those we love and with the coming and going of each Christmas, I'm realizing that's all that matters...

So friends... what is your most favorite thing about the Christmas season and how may it be different for you this year? Nonetheless, I pray that you're overcome by the realization of the incredible gift of peace that Christ's birth brings and that you carry it with you not just during Christmas... but always. Grace & peace to you and yours...

Overwhelmingly Thankful...

2009-11-11T10:58:00.000-08:00

It doesn't take much to make me cry these days (for obvious reasons). This morning, I cried on my way to work in hearing about Afghan women in need of medical coverage for child birth. Sunday at church, I cried b/c a woman i don't even know gave me a lovely comment & I just burst into tears. All of that to say... I'm fully aware of my heightened emotional state right now & in alot of ways its bringing me to a point of constant realization that's a great place to be in. I'm feeling overwhelmingly thankful for God's provision & grace... even in the smallest things.

It's been quite a roller coaster for us lately. Jeremy lost his job somewhat unexpectedly almost 2 months ago. Since, the Lord has provided him with an even better opportunity in the same field, that's local and doesn't require half the travel he was having to do (perfect timing for Emma's arrival... no surprise). In that time we watched Him work in several astounding ways, providing just what we needed, at the perfect time. He taught us a lot about overcoming fear & how to find Him in the greenest pastures during circumstances of uncertainty. In the midst of all of this He was preparing me for a different work here that would require a huge leap of faith in a major season of change for us...

Every place an obstacle stood, He removed it. Where there was fear and anxiety, He replaced it with the assurance of His presence, reminding us that He's there... that He's ALWAYS been there.

Precious friends of mine here threw us a baby shower a few weeks ago, giving us yet another reminder of God's faithfulness and provision. Emmalyn will be blessed to enter in this world with more than what she needs. The reminders of our constant need to remain thankful are overwhelming. Max Lucado blogged something not too long ago that I want to reiterate:

Catalog God's goodnesses. Meditate on them. He has fed you, led you, and more than earned your trust. Remember what God has done for you.

Seriously??

2009-10-27T09:50:00.000-07:00

Some time ago, I blogged about some of the things I will miss during pregnancy. This however; is a venting session of what I dislike wholeheartedly. Not about pregnancy in general, but just about the crazy things people will say WHILE you're pregnant. About a month ago I was out with hubs at Babies-R-Us, running through our check list, preparing to register. I have a shirt that one of my good friends gave me for my birthday and it says "January Baby." I love this shirt. I'd wear it everyday if i could.

A lady approached me and said, "Wow! You must be due any day now, huh?" Now, it's in moments like these that I really have to physically bite my tongue... hard. My first thought was "Sweet Jesus, help this lady," then I simply responded with a smile and pointed directly at my shirt, which clearly said "JANUARY BABY." The look on her face was classic. Then she preceded to assure me how incredible January babies are b/c she herself has 2 of them & it's just the best time of year to have a baby... lady you just insulted me hugely... of course January babies are the best ;)

It's so bizarre to me because all of the crazy comments made have been from women. Not men, because they're smart and know better :) I even had someone approach me yesterday with the words, "WOAH!" Not a good idea folks. Not at all...

For my mommy friends...What are some of your most bizarre comments relieved while pregnant? You do realize that I'm just needing you to make me feel better here, so please, do tell :)

Like father like daughter

2009-10-13T13:17:00.000-07:00

I've been wanting to show this picture for some time. So, to preface...my sister did a sonogram for us when we went to visit her at the surgical clinic she works for in Charlotte, NC. She captured some great movements of baby girl. One of them being of her long legs and big feet. My husband is convinced that our Emmalyn will play in the WNBA. Her feet are stinkin' huge. I guess like father like daughter :)

Is It Good for Us?

2009-10-09T13:35:00.000-07:00

It's not always easy to know whether a thing we long for is a temptation from the enemy to distract us from obedience and to make us discontent, or if it's something God actually wants to give us and therefore wants us to pray for??

There is no such thing as something "too good to be true." God is loving and lavishly generous and has promised to give what is good- that is, what He who is omniscient knows to be good for us. One of my favorite names of God in the Hebrew language is Yahweh Roi, the Lord is my shepherd... the one who watches over me day and night, leading me safely down the path of righteousness.

So, today I asked Him to give me the prayers HE wants me to pray and to give or withhold anything according to His plan for me. Nothing is too big to ask of Him. It is God's business to decide if it's good for me. And it's my business to obey Him.

Ps. 84:11 "No good thing will he withhold from those who walk uprightly with Him." (NKJV)

Something Familiar...

2009-10-06T20:24:00.000-07:00

Do you ever have the urgency to just experience something familiar, something that's so comfortably satisfying, in the midst of overwhelming change? Jeremy and I needed that this past weekend... so we took a trip to Charlotte, NC to visit my sister Lindsey and her fiance, Jared. Even though I must admit it feels odd traveling 7 hours away to visit my sister, distance doesn't effect the familiarly comfortable and soothing feeling I feel when visiting either of my sisters. It just feels like home.

Jared is notoriously known for getting overly excited this time of year. He LOVES the fall/Halloween season so we did some very traditional things that we would have normally done, had we been back home in Birmingham hanging out with them. A little pumpkin patching, pumpkin carving, scary movie watching, & more Blue Bell ice cream than my preggo tummy can handle made for a cherished weekend. Three words- blackberry cobbler ice-cream. Holy Moly.

One of the coolest moments of our trip is when Lindsey did a sonogram of little Emmalyn at 25 weeks! This was such a neat experience and a proud moment as the big sister to see her in action, doing what she does daily. I can't wait to show Emmalyn pictures one day of her Aunt Lu scanning her! For some reason Blogger doesn't want to agree with photo uploading as of late (even on my Mac) so I'll post pictures later.

Showers of Blessing, Part 2

2009-09-21T11:39:00.000-07:00

This morning I was listening to one of my favorite Dave Crowder songs called "The Remedy." It actually inspired the title of this blog. The last portion of the lyrics are:

Oh, I can’t comprehend
I can’t take it all in
I'll Never understand
Such perfect love come
For the broken and beat
For the wounded and weak
Oh, come fall at His feet
He’s the remedy

This past weekend was overwhelming. His grace rained down on these women we were privileged to serve & on us as well, as we just tried to step out of the way and let Him do His thing.

This post could be 2 days long, but I'll just highlight a few of my personal favorite moments. Three of my small group friends, along with myself, were charged with the task of picking up the women at their apartments. Thankfully, both of the women my friend Sam and I were picking up, along with their respective guests, were in the same complex. When considering my directionally challenged self, this is such a good thing. We had 45 minutes (ideally) to get them ready and to the church, which was about another 15 minutes away. We quickly learned that refugee time is not American time. No ma'am. We were officially 1 hour late to the shower with 2 of the guests of honor. I'll spare you some detail there but let's just say it was quite interesting in trying to round them up!

I noticed one of the brothers of the Somali women, humming a tune to a very popular hip hop song, but I couldn't quite place what it was. When we loaded up both our cars and were finally on our way, I asked the women what kind of music they like to listen to. One of them who could speak English the best out of the 4 said, "Lil' Wayne!" Holding back the laughter I desperately wanted to burst out in, I tried to find a local hip hop station for fun :) Rhianna's "Disturbia" happened to be playing at the time and they went nuts. Dance party USA in my Camry. So fun. I asked if they did a lot of dancing in their culture and they said, "Yes! We show you how!" Apparently, my attempt to dance while driving wasn't so impressive. I then figured out that "Disturbia" was the song that their brother was humming initially. This must be a favorite among the Somalis!

On the way back from the shower, which was an enormous success (praise be to Him) one of the women asked if there was pork in any of the sandwiches. We sent them home with quite the doggy bag. I told her "no" and she explained to me that due to their Muslim faith, they cannot have pork. I asked her why and she said "Because the Koran says so." I then told her that I was required to read the Koran in college and learned quite a bit about their faith from that experience. She asked me if I thought the Muslim & Christian faith were similar and I told her what I knew the differences to be. They were floored to hear that we believe Jesus is the true & ONLY way to God, in their case, "Allah." Muhammad is simply a prophet and messenger of Allah to them, nothing more. In no way can he save them from their sins. They asked me if I believed in Jesus and I said "Yes, He is my life." They looked intrigued. They then started to ask questions about our church & why it's so big :) I tried my best to explain, without sounding ultra spoiled, that the Lord is growing the body of believers in our area and we had to have a large building to accommodate them all! They informed me that their "church" was a synagogue, or glorified hut, if you will. Hodan, one of the women who just had a baby, said they too went once a week to pray to Allah and ask forgiveness of their sins.

In leaving them, I whispered "Jesus adores you" in their ear & they responded with a smile. Christ asks us to be His hands and His feet. In making the gospel known to all men there's an element that often is missed and that's service. He asks us if one is hungry to feed Him and if one needs shelter, take him in. That's the "gap" in the gospel that's often missed and this weekend, I was reminded that faith, without works, is dead.

I hope you enjoy some of these pictures. I actually forgot my camera, AGAIN (pregnancy forgetfulness is killing me) so my dear friend, Lisa shared these with me. Thank you again friends, for your prayers & I challenge you to let the very things that break the heart of God, break yours also.

The entire party!

Just a small portion of the gifts we were able to give.

Cute little mommies-to-be from Bhutan & Burma

This is Hodan, from Somalia. We thought she was going to have a heart attack when she saw the baby crib we donated!

Attempting to show the women how to use a baby bathtub. One of them had never seen one before.

Showers of Blessing...

2009-09-18T14:32:00.000-07:00

Whew. It's been a week. I've been covered in all things "baby" however; not for our Emmalyn :) In just over a week my small group, with the help of donations from others in the community, has organized a baby shower for 5 refugee women arriving here from Somalia, Burma, and Bhutan. Twice a year our church has what we call "Great Day of Service" and we pull together corporately to help serve those in need in our local surrounding areas. Last spring we partnered with a national organization called World Relief in helping settle 2 Iranian families into an apartment here in Nashville. We loved it so much, we decided to help them again :) Our group is studying The Hole in Our Gospel right now by Rich Sterns (the President of World Vision), so this time of learning to live beyond ourselves and focus on the needs of others to be the hands and feet of Christ is so appropriate. God is truly "ruining" our little group for His glory!

World Relief's mission statement is this: Empowering the local Church to serve the most vulnerable. Not just an organizational mission, but our vision as followers of Jesus as well.

To say that we have collected MORE than an abundance of supplies for these women who are 6-8 months pregnant is an understatement. I wish I had pictures to share with you of all the baby items we've received, but unfortunately I was without a camera Wed night as we gathered to organize, wrap, and finalize what we're giving.

One of the women who is from Somalia just had a baby boy Sept 7th. We are told that she has in her possession 1 stroller and 2 outfits and she transplants her life here to the states. Can you imagine?? Most of these people are coming from refugee camps where they have nothing. They're completely starting over, some of them believers, some not. Several are placed here having faced religious persecution.

I can't wait to share with you the outcome of the shower which will be tomorrow at our church, Brentwood Baptist. Our prayer is that the Lord will be magnified and that these women will see His love and goodness in this service. I would love it if you'd join me in praying this as well. Stay tuned! Part 2 is to come...

When an alien lives with you in your land, do not mistreat him. The alien living with you must be treated as your native-born. Love him as yourself... - Leviticus 19:33-34

Tis the Season of Change...

2009-09-09T12:28:00.000-07:00

Last evening, I was reminded in reading Ecclesiastes 3 that there's a time and a season for everything... including change. I've learned that the best way to handle change is to embrace it and let Him use it as He wills. Ecclesiastes 3:1- To everything there is a season, a time for every purpose under heaven.

Change is prevalent in my family right now. Thankfully, it's all wonderful change. But nonetheless, all change comes with it's difficulties along the way. We found out last week that we are having a baby girl, Emmalyn Brooke. And as of Monday, my sister Lindsey and her boyfriend, Jared, are now engaged. After of being very best friends for years, we couldn't be more thrilled that God chose them for one another.

So, in celebration of the great things to come,I thought it only appropriate to show you a picture of little girl's sonogram as well as moments captured from the big proposal day! Thanks for letting me share in our joy with you.

Meet Emmalyn Brooke Roper

The bride-to-be

The quaint little chapel where Jared proposed...

Thank Heaven for little... ????

2009-09-02T07:45:00.000-07:00

So, yesterday was undoubtedly one of the coolest days of my life. Aside from the day I accepted Jesus and married my man, of course. Do you know that feeling of anticipation that's built up beyond the point that you just want to burst? I guess for a child it would be like the comparison of Christmas Eve :) Monday night was my Christmas Eve. I could barely sleep. I think I woke up every hour on the hour. Jeremy is such a light sleeper and bless his bones, he's not been getting any sleep lately most likely due to my constant tossing and turning.

Yesterday several of my fears and anxieties were put to rest in being able to see the development of our little one. Yes, the discovering the gender is obviously a monumental thing, but seeing the overall development of the baby's anatomy was even bigger to me. We now know that our GIRL has all five fingers and toes, a healthy and strong heart beat, a "big" brain (in the words of the sonographer) and all of her vital organs and parts! When the sonographer said, "It's a girl!" My mom and i both let out a girlie squeal and Jeremy squeezed my hand, grinning from ear to ear but silent :) I asked him what he was thinking and he said, "I'm gonna have to teach her about boys and stuff." And I said, "Yes babe, you are and you will." Suddenly, the reality of dating and all that comes with growing up started to set in, right there in the ultrasound lab. Where I'm basking in the moment, he's flash forwarding 15 years already. It was a funny moment :)

So, yes... we're having a girl. Most likely to be named Emmalyn "Emma" Brooke Roper. People say that will change but I'm not so sure. Jeremy and I have just known the entire time she would be an Emma. We've considered lots of other names and always come back to that one.

We'll keep you posted & stay tuned for lots of fun baby journey stories. I'm sure they will grow by the day. Thanks friends!